by sensuallystricken
While I like the action and progression as much as the next man I have a bit of trouble with wuss' like Kyle here, I understand he's nervous and all but I sincerely hope he has some balls under there or he won't have Stacie or Karen. Of course I hope for the childhood friends pairing but all this sin't really going anywhere, not until he toughens up and confesses to her before she mentions Karen next time.
The other thing bothering me is you description of scenes, there is no need to write "We are now at...", just slam some ------ or ********* to separate the scenes and location and go from there, normal descriptions of things going on is usually enough to clue your readers on where and what is going on.
As a whole you get a 4* this time, fixing those before mentioned points guarantees you a 5 in the future and an even better experience for the readers too.
Wonderful when a friendship blossoms. Some things were meant to be, to many fight the feelings.
I liked it. It is simple, direct and complete. I could feel Stacie on her knees in front of me giving me my first blowjob. It was definitely erotic with the description of her mouth pursed shut and gulping down my sticky, slimy cum. You know what guys like and I'm sure you're writing from experience. The story was too good to be otherwise.
...if Dave would have woken up and seen Stacie's breasts
You write so well
Looking forward to Ch. 3 and hoping that it’s already up here
You Are building a great story
Can’t wait for the next episode