All Comments on 'Camlann, A. D. 539'

A real pleasure to read, original and moving.

Wonderful. I am so glad I came across your post on the forums and discovered this. I've been immersed in the world of online role-play for 5 years now, and whether or not that has anything to do with your writing this, it helps me relate to it. I've written similar things with my characters. This letter from Arthur to his son and (surprisingly enough) lover, Mordred, is beautifully written, intensely emotional, wonderfully descriptive and sadly tragic. I don't have the words.

I absolutely loved the way that you enriched this legend, the way in which your imagination gave a new breath into the tale. You have an exceptional command of language that comes across epic (I can't describe it any other way) without resorting to olde english. Your style completely suits the subjects/era's I have so far seen you choose.

"as my pen whispers these words to your ear." Is a completely beautiful phrase.

Well-done.

Beautiful missive, tragic beauty, such eloquence as befits a king.

For the most part, I thought this was very well written. Generally it's not very easy to keep me reading through such flowery text, even in a short story. It's a device too often overused and abused, but you managed it very nicely.

I found it to be a slight disadvantage, also. Because there is very little actual detail and much of the reality of the story is spun out in poetic implications, at the end I was left with more of the feeling of "Oh god, please stop complaining", rather than the echoing of remorse mixed with a conflicting sense of sympathy for the longing of the character which the peice first began to provoke.

(That sentence was waaaaaay too long, but I couldn't think of how to break it up. :( )

Stellar.

Saying much more would only sully the comment.

Bravo!

v~

...you prove you are a master of the written word. ~Minx

Incredible grasp of the character with perfect wording. I must for anyone with any interest in the legend of Arthur.

Thank you for sharing this...

Wow, the literary excellence of this submission is astounding. I'm not sure I qualify to critique it. I can definitely suggest that you try (maybe you have, I need to look at the rest of your submissions) writing a similar, yet more modern, plot. Good job with this though!

BTW thanks for commenting on my forum submissions...

TrigKerrik

-- a tantalizing twist on history and folklore. What can be be more disturbing than a betrayal between lovers immersed in passions scorned among the most profound taboos.

Well, I didn't see that coming!

Bravo!