Good start. need to write more.
I can't wait for "the rest of the story" (sorry, couldn't help the Paul Harvey pun) Just the right amount of mood setting, without geeting too bogged down. Please hurry with the next submission!
started out good but you didn't allow her to get it on. when you do a erotic story you have sex in it. so where's the sex?
continue building this guy's self assurance.... with the neighbor, sis and mom this has great story line going!!!
This will make a good series, develope the story but dont lose it by trying to draw it out real long.
& ABSOLUTELY no go. PROMISES, (INPLIED) PROMISES SUCK if you don't have some action...
Great potential here to play out the fantasy and build it so erotically that it takes a few tries to read all the way through without spilling.
It's been 4 months now I'd like to approach her but I'm not sure if it's time
Not another one page story and it makes you wait for more.
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English
need more
Good start. need to write more.
Excellent start to the series !
I can't wait for "the rest of the story" (sorry, couldn't help the Paul Harvey pun)
Just the right amount of mood setting, without geeting too bogged down.
Please hurry with the next submission!
failed to follow through
started out good but you didn't allow her to get it on. when you do a erotic story you have sex in it. so where's the sex?
great start
continue building this guy's self assurance.... with the neighbor, sis and mom this has great story line going!!!
good start
This will make a good series, develope the story but dont lose it by trying to draw it out real long.
All Show....
& ABSOLUTELY no go. PROMISES, (INPLIED) PROMISES SUCK if you don't have some action...
Vintage Seduction
Great potential here to play out the fantasy and build it so erotically that it takes a few tries to read all the way through without spilling.
thinking of my widowed neighbor
It's been 4 months now
I'd like to approach her but I'm not sure if it's time
Oh Allison
Not another one page story and it makes you wait for more.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Allison & Rick Ch. 01 or
More submissions by Ethan.