I was extremely impressed by this. Even though the writing itself was somewhat dry and un-stylized with fairly "flat" characterizations, you definitely managed to get the feeling across quite nicely.
I noticed some typos here and there, small ones. Those can tend to break the flow when reading erotic fiction. I would encourage you, in the future, to go over your work at least three times before you submit it and pay very close attention to syntax, typos and grammar.
I also get the sense that you have not yet "found your voice" when it comes to writing. That said, I can see the potential that is there. Keep working at it and, if you want, feel free to explore these characters some more and breathe more life into them!
Great story - lets hope these twins stay together and have children (maybe twins) and start a family tradition - Great writing - keep us up with these two characters please
English
VERY nice!
I was extremely impressed by this. Even though the writing itself was somewhat dry and un-stylized with fairly "flat" characterizations, you definitely managed to get the feeling across quite nicely.
I noticed some typos here and there, small ones. Those can tend to break the flow when reading erotic fiction. I would encourage you, in the future, to go over your work at least three times before you submit it and pay very close attention to syntax, typos and grammar.
I also get the sense that you have not yet "found your voice" when it comes to writing. That said, I can see the potential that is there. Keep working at it and, if you want, feel free to explore these characters some more and breathe more life into them!
Beautiful
Beautiful love.
Really...nice
A good love story makes my kinda weepy. Really! Hope they are always together. May we all be so damn lucky...
Paris in summer
Great story - lets hope these twins stay together and have children (maybe twins) and start a family tradition - Great writing - keep us up with these two characters please
awesome
great sex, and yes a brave girl. more please...
Outstanding!
Really great story! Thanks for sharing it with us.
More
I sure would like an update on the twins...
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