All Comments on 'The Pirate King Ch. 11'

by nakamook

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nakamooknakamookalmost 7 years agoAuthor
Wowza

Sorry about the wait y'all. I posted late, then got into a fight with lit about "appropriate formatting" of all things. I'll try to be better about not making you wait this long in the future. Next chapter should be up soon.

~ nakamook

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
Thank you!

You are amazing! Letting on just enough information to keep us hooked, or at least me. I appreciate your hard work! Your story is incredibly good! I love it! It is one of those stories that never will leave you! I hope you will feel better soon Nakamook! And thank you for finally posting this part.

Lillith94Lillith94almost 7 years ago

Thank you!! Love the way at least some of the mystery gets out in the open... And I really look forward to a little more fantasy! Just please don't leave the captain in the dark too long about the identity of his lover, i really look forward to his reaction upon hearing who He is dealing with.

OG4UOG4Ualmost 7 years ago
Thank you, nakamook!

I read this part and then looked at your story listing page. I shall print out each of them and read them in order like a book when I am down by the river and away from other distractions.

You voter approval rating is AWESOME. I hope to learn much from reading your work.

Thank you for leading by example.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago
miss him need him want him

soooooo happy to have another piece of this exciting tale. Be it category I or category IX no matter. Awaiting entry into a deeper world under the sea. Embracing the thought until the next time.......

LupaSolarisLupaSolarisalmost 7 years ago
My Theories

Okay, here are my little theories for now. We shall see soon enough if they were accurate!😊

1- The Sailor has an other brother (younger? older?). There are *three* men dangerous for him: two in the North (Dreyfus and ???) and one in the brothel (Val). And when asked "Which brother?", Val answered "the best one". Question and answer both suppose that there is an other brother.

2- Dreyfus is their father (yuk!). Who else would be able to kill the Sailor if not someone in the same family and with the same kind of power as the Sailor's and Val's?

3- Minerva was the cook on Dreyfus' s ship when the boys were young. Thinking of Minerva meant "home" for the Sailor, and there is something said about Dreyfus bringing their chilhood home with him. I hope she is still on this ship, she would be a precious ally, and would soon see her brother Alan!

4- If theories 1 and 2 are correct, I wonder if the third brother is good (living in peace on an island, like Val does) or bad (living near their evil father).

5- Maybe, just maybe, the "King" before the Sailor was this mysterious brother. But since it wasn't a "he"... then... a Pirate Queen? The three brothers would have a sister!

That's it for now! What do you think?

MusicAddict1031MusicAddict1031almost 7 years ago
Love

I absolutely love this series. This is the only story that I have given five stars. I've given five stars for every single chapter and I meant to give five on this chapter also but as I read this on my mobile I accidentally gave only four. I really appreciate all the hard work you put into your writing and can't wait to read more.

AkshunLoveAkshunLoveover 6 years ago
Great series

I love the concept and the story, but my constructive feedback would be that you leave it waaaayyy too long when revealing information to readers. We're in Chapter 11 and we only just now are getting the tiniest breadcrumbs of information about who Sailor is. I understand that tension is part of what you are trying to create, but when it goes on too long, readers just get frustrated and bored. Revealing info sorts into two categories: what you reveal to a reader and what the characters know. It's great to have a plot twist and a suprise, but it's also great to let the readers in on the secret. To be honest, I guessed who Sailor was way back at the beginning and it should have been around then that you revealed who he was, maybe a little later. Then, the tension in the story would have come from "when will the Captain find out and how will he react??" I think that especially when you are creating lore, you need to drip feed information as it becomes relevant. I say this because I keep reading hints and conversations and tidbits here and there that relate to this lore but I have no idea what it means. There so much of it that is unexplained that I don't remember a lot of it because there was no context added to anchor it in my mind. My next suggestion is to remove a lot of the descriptive weight in the story to keep the pace moving faster. And while I totally get that you're weaving a theme through the story, there's only so many times you can read the line "I am the sea" before it loses it's effectiveness. Try to match the pace in the scene with the pace at which you are writing as much as possible. For example, if a fight is moving quickly in a scene, you don't want to bog the reader down in detailed descriptions. Coversely, if reading a scene through seems to happen too quickly, slow it down by adding description. A good rule of thumb to remember is "is this part essential to the plot or does it move the story along? Does this really need to be in here?" Be brutal at this stage because we all get attached and invested in our writing such that we don't want to make changes and remove stuff when we really really should. If the answer to any of those questions is no, then take it out. Otherwise, you risk slowing the pace of your scenes which is precisely when readers get distracted or bored and disengage. One final note would be to clearly define your characters before you start writing. I love your main character and the Captain too, but sometimes, I get confused about who the Captain is. Is he a doninant top or a sensitive bottom? Is he a cold blooded pirate or romantic lover? There are a few conflicts in his character that don't seem plausible to me. But that can easily be fixed by a character sheet.

All of that is feedback is not supposed to be taken as critical but as tips to make you a stronger writer, to improve on the extraordinary natural talent you already have. And there's no way I would critique someone as thoroughly as this unless I truly believed that they had enormous potential.

The great aspects of your story are an amazing and unique world you've built and great plot, fantastic concept, really really well researched. Loving the introduction of Sybil as a character and Sailor is a brilliant protagonist. So much going for it, this series. I really do think that with a bit more attention to things like pacing and tension levels and thorough character work that your writing would hit next level and then some.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Was their mom or grandma acting pirate king at some point ? He still hadn't told the capt. He was king. Shouldn't he do so?

towanda_clauguiatowanda_clauguiaalmost 4 years ago

" I need to be there for him, I thought. I need to get to him before he does something he regrets." - Such a wifu!

Could not stop imagining the manga drawing so vivid was the imagery.

I love the way you mix styles, from Japan to Latin America. Your text flow like the sea uniting all.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Mirrored

I find it funny how diffrent people think so diffrently about thing. I read through the comments here and found the long and tougtful one by AkshunLove and realised that it was the mirror reversed opinion of my own. I think their comments and critiq might be valid for most writers, but not so much for you nakamook, as I see it all those things they remarked upon are what makes your wrinting so extraordinary and magically beautiful:

I love the mystery of the slow reveal and the little clues that keep ne guessing, it is exiting!

I enjoy the sweet pace of your writin and your flowery descriptions, The poetry of your prose togher with your wonderful imagination is what makes this the uniqe masrerpiece that it is.

I also like that your characters are not made from stereotypical molds, they are rendered more real and intresting with their divers and paradoxal personelities

In short you are a truly talented author and I thank you for bringing me along on this mysterious journey

/ Lavvy

RangeExpanderRangeExpanderover 2 years ago

Thanks for bringing back some sex! I can taste his cum in my mouth....

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nonbinary, writer. if you like what I do, consider buying me a coffee! http://ko-fi.com/nakamook tumblr: nakamookwrites.tumblr.com twitter: @nakamookwrites i take commissions there the pirate king all the way up through book three is up on amzn! https://read.amazon.com/kp/...

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