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English
Oh wow!!
Loved that Remec!!
Strong, powerful sentiment! ;-)
....
I suggest that you rethink the line:
"But, eventually,"
"eventually" becomes the focal point of the poem, and it has too many syllables and a different sound than the rest of the words used.
This line is also the change point between who you are and what you become, it is a very weak line, and overused.
First five lines and the last three have a nice structure and sound to them - very nice.
Wonderful
Terrific imagery and a wonderfully paced poem that rolls natually off my tongue when read aloud. I can pracically feel the steam seethe beneath the surface and the pulse boil like water. The element of soft and quiet, waiting, eventually like the lion to strike loudly from within the shadows of the moon.
A simple poetic form wrapping complex inwardness; a perfect reflection of the theme.
Eventually disturbs nothing. :)
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