All Comments on 'Imperius Ch. 01'

Love the story hope she brings up the fact she did save his life

Hope you continue this story!!

Loving it so far, I can't wait to see more of his possessiveness. Can't wait for the next chapter!

Love it! I can't wait for the next chapter!!!

This might just be me reading to fast but I don't remember him taking off his own pants…But other than that small detail it was a nice story that has a lot of potential.

Continue

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Please continue the story

Chapter 2 is currently in progress. There are more characters and more intrigue to come. In the meanwhile, I'm grateful to receive any notes or critiques you might have (special thanks to the anonymous user who pointed out a detail I forgot to describe). Be sure to let me know if there's anything you particular hope to see in the next installment.

He rewards her with rape and slavery.

You kind of expect guys to be shitbags in this genre, but that is just double nasty. No thanks to further chapters. You have excellent writing skills and I'm sure the plot will match, but you've got an unlikable monster as a "hero" and a victim who is painted as a pouting sulky child. Gross.

Don't worry too much about my opinion, i feel compelled to share it. You'll have plenty of fans any way. Hell, given this category, you can pretty much do anything to her as long as it doesn't squick people's fetishes.

"She saves his life

He rewards her with rape and slavery.

You kind of expect guys to be shitbags in this genre, but that is just double nasty. No thanks to further chapters. You have excellent writing skills and I'm sure the plot will match, but you've got an unlikable monster as a "hero" and a victim who is painted as a pouting sulky child. Gross.

Don't worry too much about my opinion, i feel compelled to share it. You'll have plenty of fans any way. Hell, given this category, you can pretty much do anything to her as long as it doesn't squick people's fetishes."

^Thank you very much for the feedback, and I'm sorry this particular story turned you off. I agree that Lilah is going to have to show more backbone as the story progresses (I intend that to be the last of her resorting to a sullen tone, a move I rationalized by her exhaustion after several sleepless days). I would express one minor note of contention, however. I don't have an unlikable monster as my hero, I have an unlikable monster as my antagonist.

Plenty of idiots here, people who don't really get the point of this site. You've started well, can't wait for the next next chapter.

As a first time writer your sizzling erotic non con is seductively enjoyable!!;))loved fantasizing i was Lilah!! ;))..but the 'kindness being rewarded with rape and slavery' thorn does stick out and prick out hard!!;p ;))

But do continue...;)) lets see what else your seductive improvisation has up its sleeve!!;))

This is sexy as hell!

Please keep the story going, I would like to see more. AS LONG , as there is a Happy Ending for the Hero and Heroin.

I love a cunning, controlling, and obsessed ravisher. The world you are building seems to be along th lines of Ancient Rome meets steampunk futuristic. The cape was the dead give away. ;)

I can see you're building palace intrigue along with the capture/slave/obsessive love interest erotic scenario. It's like you're reaching into my dirty imaginings and pulling out erotic elements and making a story out of them, for which I am your devoted fan!

Excellent writing for the most part. There is always a little nit to pick but in this case the nits were far too inconsequential to the story as a whole.

Love it..give me more!!

"Fantastic!

I love a cunning, controlling, and obsessed ravisher. The world you are building seems to be along th lines of Ancient Rome meets steampunk futuristic. The cape was the dead give away. ;)

I can see you're building palace intrigue along with the capture/slave/obsessive love interest erotic scenario. It's like you're reaching into my dirty imaginings and pulling out erotic elements and making a story out of them, for which I am your devoted fan!

Excellent writing for the most part. There is always a little nit to pick but in this case the nits were far too inconsequential to the story as a whole."

Thanks for your feedback! Astutely observed about the deliberate anachronism. I'm definitely going to be exploring that element further as the story continues.

I do very much hope to progress with the palace intrigue, and I'm already finding that some of the characters are developing a mind of their own about how that will go.

Any nitpicks you have to offer at any point will be much appreciated. I'm always grateful for a chance to improve.

First off, the writing is amazingly well done. Second, the world building is fantastic, in such a short piece I understood a fair bit of the world. Thirdly, the actual scene was good, if short and fairly tame. But still enjoyable. I hope you continue with this ^^

Professional quality prose; rich characterization; erotic as hell.

Welcome to Literotica! Looking forward to future contributions.

This is the NON CONSENT genre-of course he's an ass!! And yes,he may or may not have a magic dick! Personally,i like them (the characters) both. If noncon turns you off,there is always the erotic coupling tag. Keep up the good work! 5 stars,can't wait for chapter two!!

Well and smoothly written! Right up my alley. Looking forward to more!

..... in an absorbing story that already has artfully set some horizons. He maybe the story's force for now. But, would hope to see their relationship evolve with a woman's strength, insight, and resourcefulness surfacing in Lilah's character. The story is hers to take.

"You are quite irrevocably mine."

Perfect.

THis is promising. But I can tell you that if someone stuck their dick in me after merely kissing me, there would be little to no pleasure at all and a lot of pain. You need way more foreplay or a more accurate reaction

Thank you for your feedback. Keep in mind that many of us vary widely when it comes to arousal. Lilah, like a lot of my characters, does tend to take more after me simply because that's what I know.

I can't wait to see more of Vero. Considering how fast things moved in this chapter i never felt like I was missing something.

This could have been a deliciously erotic scene but it went from beginning to end with very little meat in between. I completely agree with the comment calling for more foreplay. Remember it's not just for your character but the audience as well. His wham bam thank you mam fuck might have made sense in a rape scene to fulfill only his own pleasure but you wrote him as someone wanting more. Until he shows he's equally concerned about her pleasure (even if it's forced upon her) he'll be nothing but a selfish asshat rapist. Authors often ask us to suspend belief but to think that a scared little virgin is going to come her first time being raped without any proper preparation or physical stimulation is just rediculous and does nothing to endear either character to us. So far this is just a fairytale magic cock harlequin romance novel.

I appreciate your going to the trouble of offering feedback. The female lead in this particular story is not a virgin.

I blasted through this entire series as fast as I could! Now, I’m back to savor it a bit more slowly this time. Love! 💗

These are the times one wishes they never helped others. Always think who are you helping, possibly sometimes, it is best to not help someone to prevent resurrection of evil. She must be thinking, its best she would've listened to her colleague and let him die that day.

I love the writing but the constant headhopping is just too much. It's hard to tell who's thinking what when you keep switching.

This is my 5th time rereading this series ever since I discovered it 2 months ago ❤️

also, if she hadn't saved him she would've been surely sold as a slave to a more cruel person.. So I don't really get why some readers are hating on this??

Prose is too long-winded at times, but otherwise this shows potential. Less is always more. The sex is non-existent. A good formula for sex scenes that is most believable/enjoyable to readers: build-up of tension, foreplay, penetration, then post-coital cool down. This completely missed the foreplay. (Kissing is not foreplay!) There is lots of ways how you can be original with this formula but most important is to nail the rhythm. Try reading-out loud or have the computer auto-read what you've written.

It has been awhile since I read your story but I am again reminded how the good writers here, are separated from those who aspire to be called a writer.

Please ignore the bitchy and honestly, preachy comments here. Good god, you provide your stories for free and yet people act like they spent $25-30 dollars for the pleasure. People — get a fucking grip!

I find this story captivating, with layers and personalities I want to know more about. Yes, I love the sex but if I wanted “wham, bam, thank you ma’am, I would watch porn. And the ignorant input from “here’s a tip” you should ignore completely. What a jerk!

So frickin hot. Lots of minor comments/improvement suggestions but Magnus and his fragile Lilah have some promising chemistry. I hope he does learn to care for her.

If that’s your first erotica I can’t wait to see what’s next! 🥵. Nice to see porn with (good) plot for a change!

I haven't read through the other comments - just so you know my feedback has not been influenced by others. I'm confused... she says "I'm not a thing to be bought and sold." Is she just dumb? Girl is shackled with her tits practically hanging out in a bathing suit (so you say but if her belly is exposed, is it not a bikini?). And I shouldn't have to go back and double check that I missed something - so when exactly did he get his dick out? And how can he possibly know that she's wet enough to take him. "He did not ease in gently, nor did he impale her with violent speed"-...so which is it? I guess he was 'medium' whilst he raped her? But that's irrelevant because: "But this feeling—oh, this feeling. Her head fell back and she gasped under the onslaught of delirious pleasure." Seriously? So tired of reading noncon purple prose with swooning, mindless female protagonists.

@Anon,

Well the Imperial invaders would definitely regard her take as dumb. I personally agree with her--that even if a person is treated as a thing, it does not mean they must regard themselves as such.