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All Comments on 'Vainamoinen Me'

by lostandfounder

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  • 3 Comments
jd4georgejd4georgeover 19 years ago
As much as a love the last two lines...

I hate the line: "Love is unattainable" Tighten where the metaphor drifts with current, and this piece will kick ass!

LiarLiarover 19 years ago
you have been reviewed

This poem is mentioned in the New Poems thread on the bulletin board. :)

twelveoonetwelveooneover 19 years ago
I would

suggest moving the line instead, because of the sylable count, it does have a tendency to become the focal point.

"Love is unattainable"

perhaps closer to hell

"A boat made from two pennies worth of copper"

is this where it cam from, it's been driving me nuts.

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