All Comments on 'The Pool Pt. 02'

Very hot but it needed to be longer. You ended it in mid-fuck which was not cool.

yes, there was some sex. Yes, there was sort of a story. Yes, there was a load of errors. C'mon people, read your shit before you post.

...characterization. A common term is "one dimensional" characters. Yup, somewhat flat.

You need more expressiveness, less reporting in the style.

Also, if you aren't collaborating with editorial talent and beta readers, you should be. There were dozens of clerical errors in the text. Paying attention to the details of person, number, tense, spelling and grammar mark the better writers from the hacks. I'm not suggesting you are a hack, but unless you like that characterization, 8'd suggest you put more clerical effort into your work and after the story is mostly complete. The inevitable editing may considerably improve the work, as a matter of course. Characterization is a matter of attitude, position, emotional response, reflective monologue and realistic sounding sentences. Try reading several passages of your dialog out loud. If they sound wooden or stilted, you may want to smooth them out. People simply don't talk the way much of your dialog reads.

That said, the story was....interesting and worth the read. It could use a follow up, but only if you're willing to commit to making it stand out as an improvement over this first installment.

I would not suggest more of the same.....

But, thank you.

Thank you very much for your story, I enjoyed the plot and my only observation is that it felt too short, you have created a very entertaining story and could string it out with a few different variations, the friends they swung with originally, school friends visiting, only limited by the time you have available and your imagination. I look forward to reading your next submission.

You are my new favourite author! It's so difficult not to cum as I stroke my hard cock while reading your work. What's amazing is that I know what the outcum is going to be, but you get me worked up getting there anyway!

ryeandgingerayle2@yahoo.ca

dropped your rating to 2 stars from four.

great tease, good sex, it just ended too early.

Very good writing and nice progression