All Comments on 'My Fall and Rise Ch. 01'

Well written. Hope you continue this story.

This is extremely well written. In fact, I'm surprised you're putting it here and not waiting and publishing it for sale on e.g., Amazon, if it's going to be even a short book-length story.

Because it's so well-done, I have to point out several small errors that, when fixed, will make it perfect.

" She gave both my mother and I hugs and led us into a conference room." That should be "my mother and me." If you aren't sure which to use, just take the other person out of the sentence and see if it still makes sense. "She gave I hugs" obviously doesn't make sense.

There are a few commas that should be periods, and the only other quibble is that numbers, like 24 and 50, need to be written out.

One thing I love is how you managed to insert a bit of wry humour into such a grim tale with this:

" If I discover a cure for cancer someday, there will be newspaper headlines that read "Girl From Murder Wins Nobel Prize."

I'm very much looking forward to more of this! 5*

An intriguing beginning!

Exceptionally well written.

Thought I’d give this a go after reading your forum thread about it. Didn’t expect to care, but hey, I’m off for part two now.... thanks

Well written story, but it's pretty sad. I don't know if it's true or not, but it sure reads like so I'll be reading more of it.

"Thanks!

Ted

Anon said...

"She gave both my mother and I hugs and led us into a conference room." That should be "my mother and me."

Sorry Anon, but you are completely WRONG! - Go back to school ;)

I haven't read the whole chapter yet, but from what I've seen so far I'm likely to become addicted to this very quickly.

Excellent so far :)

It's one of the best-written stories I've read on this site. If you liked this, I encourage you to continue reading to the conclusion.

One of the most beautifully written pieces I have come across on this site. Well composed and very moving. It's so real you can almost feel yourself there with her, and you share her pain and anguish. Almost brought me to tears at the very first chapter.

I love a good build-up.

I simply HAVE to read the rest now.

Brilliant Melissa. You have a genuine gift :)

M.

I’ve finally brought this story to the head of my reading list. Compelling start. I’m anxious to get to know Melissa. *****

I hope the rest is as good!

The trick is to remove "my mother and": without that, would you use "I" or "me"? "She gave I a hug"? Nope. And you use the same one when you put the "my mother and" back in. That jumped out at me as well.

Wonderful first chapter, though. Can't wait to read the rest!

I had intended to read your other story first, but after our discussion on the boards, it felt like that this was the one more important to you; this was the one u had to read first. I love your prose. I feel like I'm breathing the words, rather than reading them.

I wonder if you know that this should be published? I read only one chapter and am enthralled. Your command of courtroom/criminal case jargon is well researched all the way down to "sally port" doors.

While I'm excited to read this for free, consider going over to Amazon and self publishing...its that good!

concept which I noticed you discussed in a thread on Mar29 2018

Your writing is well-paced and spare; confident and professional. it only takes a few paras of reading to assure the reader that YOU are in charge. I only found your stuff today so will get to know more of it

Thanks, Melissa ;)

JC, of that ilk

MelissaBaby has submitted some of the best writing this site has ever seen. I very much hope she continues, but I strongly suspect she may get lured away by the "Big Time."

Good luck, MelissaBaby.

Awful Arthur/Edward Teach

Oh, and who gives a flying fuck about an overlooked "I" in quality of this sort. Editors will be hired to take care of those goofs down the road.

It's okay but not 13 chapters okay. I gave u a 5 because ur pretty & maybe u'll show me ur tits 1 day if I tell u how great ur writing is. ~Hugz~

Great story! I cannot say enough about this fantastic author.

Melissa - You are a talented writer and a master of the first person narrative.

As to the "me" or "I" argument, "for" is a preposition, prepositions have objects and therefore take the objective case. The objective case of the first person pronoun is "me". That settled, the real question should be - which one of them would the character in the story have used? It is conceivable that she isn't a grammar expert so in this case it shouldn't upset anyone.

Nice beginning, interesting story

Having read so many of these erotic stories, that is the most intimate introductory chapters I have ever read. It is raw, real and wants me to be sympathetic. I want ri be sympathetic, but something horrible has happened and i'm having a hard time with my feelings for that. I can't wait to continue

The things we do for love …… many many crime stories having a similar case …… Getting involved with drugs is kund of start up, alcohol is already a drug and we humans don’t take it so well, every f….g drug ….. then bum bang crash and we destroying our life, hopefully just ours

Intense start, but great writing ….. gripping

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Hi Melissa. Wonderful beginning. Beautiful writing... sincere and heartfelt.

Picked up on this story in AH when you posted "Eight years ago today" ... August 26, 2015. I have to read this story about you.

Hi Melissa. Wonderful beginning. Beautiful writing... sincere and heartfelt.

Picked up on this story in AH when you posted "Eight years ago today" ... August 26, 2015. I have to read this story about you.

I only have one word: "Fuck."

Will comen last chapter

A strong opening, written and from the heart and experience. Can’t wait to read more.