All Comments on 'Girlfriend Goddess Pt. 01'

And if so, what sort of game are you going to make it into? She's the one with the power... so what happens when/if he pisses her off? What is the background to the idol? What other powers are in play now that this one is awakened? What of the others who were directly affected by this idol? Is there going to be a clash between the people that were granted the powers? Is this all for the amusement of the gods?

Is there an opposing power to balance this one?

I hope you get ideas for continuing this story from the questions I asked. Good work by the way! Thank you.

Just another fucking critic

With regard to the previous comment, let me offer a counter point. Not every story need feature a massive, high-stakes plot. A story does not automatically become compelling or interesting just because the fate of the world is at stake. Sometimes, a simpler approach can be just as rewarding and exploring the intricacies of managing something aking to a "daily life" with godly powers can be much, much more interesting than a grandiose battle against the deus ex machina antagonist.

In summary: I'd really, really enjoy a light-hearted, romantic, fun story; we have enough glorious heros and barely averted apocalypses.

I can understand the 1st commenter wanting to continue the story. I get that he's trying to generate ideas for the author to explore. But the 2nd commenter's point is actually more valid and I think, a better way to run with the story. Just my two cents.

This is an interesting concept and story that you have created. Can't wait for more.

I'd like to start by saying that I think your premise for this story is fantastic. Very original and full of opportunities to explore your creativity. The scene where she conducts a symphony of sexual pleasure was the best moment. That being said, there are some issues.

1. - The characters are underdeveloped. We need to get to know Jack and Tracy as normal people for a little bit before all the supernatural stuff happens. Slow the pace and write some more dialogue scenes.

2. - The world building is inconsistent. A good deal of time is spent on Tracy discovering her telepathy and her ability to transform the people around her (she is essentially a conduit through which other people realize their sexual fantasies), but this wonderful concept isn't used later. After seeing what Tracy can do to strangers, we want to see how this power will come into play in their relationship. But we don't get to see that. Instead, Jack and Tracy transform into completely different characters and then the story becomes two gods fucking. That scene is well written, but not very engaging because it doesn't explore either of our lead characters in a meaningful way. Also, their identities remain distinct rather than merging like was previously established. It feels like you have two completely different stories mashed together. It doesn't help that there are Norse, Greek, and Pagan references tossed about, so it it is unclear what sort of magic or mythology we are dealing with here.

What this comes down to is this: if you want your story to be more than just raw imagery, your readers need to connect to your characters. If we can't do that, we can't put ourselves into the scene and that detracts from the sexiness, no matter how descriptive the language gets.

I'd still love to see where this story goes. Good luck and happy writing!

Seems like will be a fun story.

I appreciate all of the comments. By the time I posted the first part, I had already written the other parts and posted them on another site. I always try to write the entire story before posting any of it because I hate unfinished stores and if I posted my partials, you might never see the finished version!