All Comments  for

If You Listen

byDeepAsleep©
All
Comments (5)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by jd4george09/02/04

One of my most favorite, misspoken lines is:

"The Taj Mahal... the greatest erection a man has ever given a woman."

D.A., there's a lot of good stuff here, but a few too many rough spots to call it "ready". I'd like to see this after some tweaking.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Tathagata09/02/04

It's

amazing how many words we use, and how many times we try, to explain what we know to be unexplainable.

I love the picture of you screaming out the car windows.
You are a beat poet at heart brother.
I enjoy your work immensely.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by flyguy6909/02/04

Jeeezis!

What a great read! The pace is as breathtaking as a careening joy ride with all the windows down, and such beautiful sentiment!

Thanks, DA, for taking us along!

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by sandspike09/02/04

took their rhythm with them....

This poem opens with a bang but the ride while fast
got a little boring. There are several works in here.
but hey (took their rhythm with them) you got a copyright
on that?

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by PatCarrington09/02/04

there is much to like here

i found myself riveted in spots / then questioning line breaks that halt the power and flow / then riveted again / then slowed / there is unquestionable power here / in my mind, it needs to be surrounded somehow / trimming? / purposeful line breakage?

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to If You Listen  or
More submissions by DeepAsleep.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel