Scared Sara

wonderful

great story, can't wait to see how it continues...

Well done

Other than the switching from first person to third person then back to first person, the story is well done. It has very believable charcters and situations. I look forward to a sequel.

Great

I have to agree with the comments you received so far. It's a damn good story you have here and I hope you have more in store for us. I really want to see how you'll get those two together.

Cooool!!!

That's cool!!! I love it.

Well.

Other than POV confusions and too fast-paced, not-too-realistic plot, this was great. My other only complain is that Lucien is... such a wimp. I hope you'd develop more of him ^^; Please continue :)

Simply Superb!

Great Story! I?m enjoying the slow unraveling of Sara?s inner turmoil. Hope to see more of this wonderful story soon.

WHAT?

You thanked me! Yeah!

A great story but...

It started off great, but I noticed a couple of flaws that just took it two notches down from perfection.

You go from 1st person (sara's point of view) to 3rd person (he did this and that) and sometimes even go into Lucian's thoughts out of nowhere... then back again into 1st person with Sara. And this went on quite a bit in the story.

You should stick to one point of view or divide the story (his and her point of views) so that the reader does not get lost in the story. Changing points of view like that, is a no-no when writing short stories.

You also jump around a lot with the action. Like in:

"I've got farm work till 6, I'll come after that."

And then the next thing that happens is:

The doorbell rang a little after 6 and I opened the door. Lucien stepped up and tried to take me into his arms, I pushed him away roughly.

You gotta make a story that takes us through time and doesn't just jump around in time.

Just work on these and you'll have a great story on your hands.

What a fucking bitch!!!