All Comments on 'Recovery'

I look forward to seeing more of this story unfold. Don't take forever.

You're falling victim to a common mistake: You're getting bogged down (slightly) with details and backstory. Spend a bit more time in the present, and a little more effort on the story's progression.

I'm not putting down what you've written, so far, but offering advice on how to improve what you write next. Looking forward to whatever that is.

You have the start of a great story You have a talent, please continue!

I like that you're taking your time and building a story. I know some will criticize attention to detail, but that's what makes a story. I don't mean to take away from the need for hot flashes and cum shot moments; but, I think you're doing fine. Keep up the good work.

It is wonderful to find a new writer who actually wants to tell a story. You'll note that the critic has no stories and no favorites and provides no information about himself. I will give him credit for being one notch above that ubiquitous ass, Anonymous. He apparently prefers pornography to erotic literature. You're on the path to join those wonderful writers who gift us with a good story. These folks abound in Novels and Novellas and are a good source for both entertainment and education.

I am looking forward to your continued submissions.

A bit short but please continue!

A great beging

Keep going I just hope this develops in a realistic way.

This is not the first time I've read this.

MORE...please!

totally

I like the story and don't think there's too much 'backstory' as someone suggested. The details you provide are the foundation of the story and you will build from that foundation. Some people are always looking for a 'Wham, Bam, Thank You, Ma'am' story and there are writers here who provide that regularly. I am not one of those people, so thank you for a good start - I will be watching for more!

wherever you take this story... We, your followers, would certainly be there too

I'll certainly be reading the continuation of this story, but try to keep it to 2-3 pgs max and continue in the same vain as this part.

Loved story so far.... please carry on with the series.. but dont rush things as no need, let the characters play out. Doesnt have too be sex for a while...

I don't believe I've read a story going this path before here. I like the start and the detail you give us to ground things a bit. I'm better the girl is missing showing off for dad. Of course; I think her best friend is going to garner a bit more than dear old dad culled. Keep it up! heh heh I couldn't resist.

RS

You have developed a great introduction and set up. Please continue this story with additional chapters.

Such a cute story filled with heart-breaking drama but then more than compensated with pure love turning to some racy playfulness. God I hope you have large plans with the series.

5* without a shade of a doubt!!!

Well crafted. Looking forward to your next installment.

and he is suffering greatly.

lol

You lite majors need to write the whole story and then submit it.

I look forward to ch. 2, because this illustrates why Peter would be into Dottie and what drew them together: it's plausible, relatively well-paced and definitely enjoyable to read because I don't see any problems with the flow.

There are a few run-ons/fragments in the first few paragraphs, but after that I don't notice them. Backstory feels appropriate and sets up more to come--I don't see it as bogging down your story any. You described nicely how she looked and how her scent affected Peter when she entered his room in the closing, so thanks for including those details. I actually think you maybe needed a little more fleshing out of perhaps a crucial critical moment or two that would have really cemented this going forward. While you seemed to hinge your "move forward" moment on Dottie catching Peter stroking his "peter" in the bathroom and that serves to advance the final scene, it doesn't really nail down things. Although Dottie confessing dad perved on her and jacked off to her, these seem out-of-place since nothing can be done now--unless you mean Dottie to use that to encourage Peter's future voyeurism.

Very solid job and great start. 4

That begining whu? Why u do dis? So messed up...is it personal to you or is it out of serendipity?

so much insecurity

Recent post led me here - 5* so far.

Very nice, but it ended far too soon. I haven't read chapter two yet, but I'm willing to bet that you should have combined the first two chapters into a single submission. Only in very rare instances will I find a page plus a quarter adequate for publication. This certainly wasn't it. 4/5