by Rupert_St_Reacher
I felt that the use of metaphor in this piece was much too much. Figurative language should be used to enhance the story. It shouldn't be the story! If you have too much you confuse the reader. Think of it like nutmeg; you add a dash to make things more exciting, but adding the whole container would take away from the dish itself. The story has real potential, but some issues need to be taken care of.