by guybrush806
Love the way you described the scene and the battle between 'good' and 'evil'! Very arousing, especially the sensualness of the lingerie. In the next installment... wicked high heels and tight, sexy dresses.
Maaaajor turnoff for me, and for no good reason! All of your other grammar was good, though there were other (smaller) flaws.
That said, very erotic story. I don't personally tend to go for stories in 2nd person as they tend to be lower quality, but this was extremely erotic and had powerful imagery. I'm impressed!