by RazzRajen
...for me, the line breaks and compression got in the way of the poem. Because of your line breaks, natural pauses in the delivery seemed hard to find, and I felt like I had to work too hard.
I'm wondering what it the poem would be like, if you broke the lines where there are natural pauses in the images. I think a little tinkering will give you a finer reading poem without compromising the "voice".
and it's mentioned on the new poems thread. Was this supposed to be under erotic instead of non?
*no thermometer
but there were so many T's ( in that one part), it took something away from the rest of the poem