All Comments on 'The Twins'

I sincerely hope that you will continue with this story. You have done an exceptional job here.

The first story that I have read in a long time that deserved 5 stars.

Loved it and their chemistry so there definitely needs to be more. Fun and captivating situation created a wonderful background and offers diverse options to go from here one, from their brother cooling down and Rachel dumping her looser boyfriend...there are infinite possibilities.

5 for now.

It could have been paced out better. It felt rather rushed. I mean, look at it this way, the order of it was "they woke up, they had breakfast, small fight with family, they fucked." We could have gone on to meet this annoying boyfriend of hers. We could have had an friend of theirs have interest in fucking the twin brother. Maybe mention where the dad is or have a blow to the skull from a candlestick be realistically more serious, because lets be honest, if that was a solid metal candlestick, their brother would either be dead or have serious injury, not "he'll be fine in a little bit" crap. You could have expanded more on the mother's feelings, maybe had her walk in on them having sex or watching from the doorway. You said it was a small house so obviously she would hear them having sex because it's pretty obvious they were having sex with abandonment, no care for the sound they made. The sex too could be better paced and described. Look, it's a good story foundation, no doubt, but as it is now, it's just a quick jerk off read. I would love to see another part to this and I would also like to see this part improved upon and extended. I would really like to see family tension mount slower but just as explosively. I enjoyed that grammar and spelling was decent but try to use more advanced vocabulary too. It will pull readers in more, making things somewhat more descriptive.

Just want to say thanks to the people that have given me feed back, Yes it does feel a bit rushed, most of this was written while i discussed the topic with a friend, she and I had both been talking about taboo's, my apologies for not thinking it all through, and to the person concerned about a candle stick to the head, you are quite right, I should have thought that out a bit more. As to a sequel, I have written one, not sure if it will be approved, I never rewrite, so if it isn't it's gone. Thanks.

I know you've already addressed this, but take a little more time in your writing. It felt very rushed, but it also has a lot of potential. I liked it, it just felt like you scribbled it down in five minutes and posted it without a second thought. I know this may sound insulting, but I assure you that is not my intention. I only wish to help you write a better story with my ideas.

Everything in your story took place quickly therefore you had to write it quickly and I personally thought the tempo was correct. You never mentioned them locking th bedroom door so I thought it was damned risky with their Mom and elder brother in the house. I guess now that either they leave home or the elder brother will as they have created a barrier; unless the elder apologizes for losing his head over a necktie and causing his younger sister embarrassment, unless he wanted to see her goodies? So much could be involved in this story....

needed... agreed with previous comments... certainly could do better plus give room for conversations not just speaking from their thoughts and the third person's pov...you got a great start there with the sibling romance though so keep going...make it hotter... you got the knack for it... 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

When I was 16, my virgin 14yo sister and I were fooling around, one thing led to the next and eventually to full blown sex. It was painful to her (no orgasm), not enjoyable at all, we both felt remorse and guilt afterwards. Then a year or two later we did it several more times...same results (good sex, but still guilt). Why does every incest fictional piece have to be 1) twins, 2) result in orgasmic bliss, 3) siblings falling in love romantically.

I enjoyed the fast pace of your story myself...didn't fall asleep.

Finally, a blow to the head that results in unconsciousness is extremely serious and warrants an ambulance rise to the hospital for xrays and a 24hr admission for observation.

Disregard the comments of the anonymous trolls who think that fictional people and their actions are real -- I particularly like the advice that the halfwit older brother should have been seen by a doctor.

You have given us a short story that is well crafted and doesn't waste words.

I am looking forward to watching as you develop your writing skills.

Keep up the good work and let this story develop.

Thank you all, the feedback is great, even the negative, as it helps me to see my mistakes, while I don't agree with all of it, it's good to hear the opinions.

Especially from those that really enjoyed it for what it is. I will try to expand this story and write another couple of chapters.

personally i like longer stories but this is definitely one of the best short stories I've seen in a while.

I hope you will continue the story.

Brother and Sister are ONE.

Please continue about tenderness and longing.

Second chapter please.

Yes, it does seem a little rushed, of course I was in a rush to read it, too. Now that the ice is broken, hows about they go somewhere for a long weekend, and experiment... Try out the usual stuff, but then let then try stuff they've seen on the web? Like she wants to milk his prostate? He wants to find/stimulate her G spot and later attempt to maybe fist her? (or whatever you decide...) The first installment was a real page turner- Let's see what ya got!

You must write a second chapter.

Leaving us all like this is so unfair.

More please

for chapter 2

Story was a bit rushed

Just a few Constructive Criticism's

older bro slapping her arse ? No Dad ? Mom just let bro do it

instead of worrying about older bro seeing if hes OK

They have Sex #Really!?

never a thought they'd get caught & #BTW Where were Mom & Older Bro Never came to scold them

The story had potential but was too rushed. Rachel went from waking up to losing her virginity to her twin brother in less than the time it took her to eat her toast.

Nevertheless, it was a good start. May want to consider a rewrite to add more detail to the story and slow the pace a bit.

Well, I'm never fond of stories with serious family internal conflict, but I get that it's frequently used. Hell, if I was the brother or sister I wouldn't be overly concerned with my older brother's health after he got knocked out. I'd be on the phone with my sister calling the cops to have him arrested and thrown in jail for assult and battery, maybe some form of sexual assult too, and of course a restraining order to keep him the fuck away from us!

Doing all of that would have at least kept the young, horny fools from fucking in broad daylight, in an unlocked room with a hostile, pissed off big brother thats likely to come storming up at any moment!!

Ive looked at the other chapter titles, seeing they get caught, not sure if I want to finish reading it, lol. Hehe, well off to the next chapter! :)

There is bad blood between the older brother and twins. They have a fight serious enough to cause blunt force head trauma resulting in unconsciousness. They run to a bedroom and she takes her shirt off not caring that big brother might break down the door any second and have all the dirt he needs to humiliate them? Sheesh...

And not just sexual fantasy which is good but her older brother smacking her bare ass is far fetched. In normal families he would have been outraged but physical assault would not be tolerated by the parents or siblings. It dont make any sense!

18 is way to old to have her dad spank her bare ass that’s sick and messed up big time. All because toast hit him he is a pervert

i'm not sure about the spanking. the are probably other ways you could have induced the twins into their festivities. but 5 stars. and i want to read more. so on to chapter 2

Don't waste time on this shit story. Rachel gets date raped around chapter 6 or so and Jack goes to jail for about 6 months for beating the shit out of the guy and that s not the worst part. Rachel becomes a big Hollywood star and gets a fake boyfriend to help her career who fucks her in the ass all the time but then marries him but is all ok because Jack has to just be "uncle jack" to his own daughter but after 7 or 8 years they finally end up together but Jack has to be her faithful secret lover the whole time while Rachel gets to fuck her Hollywood boyfriend/husband the entire time. Wow what a life for Jack. The person who created this story really wanted to fuck him over completely and she did a good job. I hope you read comments before reading the story and this saves you time to skip this garbage.