All Comments on 'My Best Friend's Husband'

"I live in a nice suburb south of Chicago, we liked the bigger lots and privacy that they afforded. My husband and I have raised our children and are mostly empty nesters. Of course one the kids shows up home from time to time. We have been here for twenty years and have known most of the neighbors a long time. I'm 50 in good shape I'm short about 5'1" have black hair and have maintained a good figure that still gets attention. I have smaller breasts 32F and a nice ass. My boobs were still perky and because they are smaller and I'm so small didn't sag."

Let's examine this paragraph: "Of course one the kids shows up home from time to time." I have no fucking idea what this gibberish was supposed to be, or what it means. It might as well be in another language, since at least then SOMEBODY might decipher it.

"I'm 50 in good shape I'm short about 5'1" have black hair and have maintained a good figure that still gets attention." You must be running short on periods. You only used one in this run-on sentence, and it needs more.

"I have smaller breasts 32F and a nice ass." Again, you can't punctuate for shit, but you distracted us with the "32F" comment. Since when is an F-Cup "smaller"?

You totally fucked up the punctuation in the last sentence, as well, but let's get back to that concept that 32-F equals "smaller breasts". When? When you're standing beside someone with beach-balls for tits?

I'm assuming there was a sixteen inch cock or two in this pile of shit, but can't say for certain. When I saw how shitty the story was, I stopped reading, because quite frankly, ANY-FUCKING-THING I can do to pass the time is more productive than reading this horrible pile of steaming dog shit.

Grammar and spelling matters. Great subject and content but this needs to be revised and edited for spelling and grammar.

The feedback is correct, first story published. I guessed I rushed it out.

Thanks

Someone didn't get their Ovaltine this morning. Criticism is only good when it's helpful not hateful. Nice story, writing needs work but very readable.

The Ovaltine crack was useless like the mean spirited criticism.

I tend to overlook the spelling and grammar, especially for a new author. That said, I enjoyed the story very much, and hope that you continue writing.

Please go to an anger management class before you post another comment. Hate pours from every fiber of your being. The world would be a better place without your insults and hateful comments!

So masterfully crafted

You are off to a good start. This is a hot story with a lot of potential. The writing got a little sloppy as the story progressed. Editing would help a lot. Quotation marks for dialogue would improve the writing significantly. This could be a multi part story with Bob taking advantage of (Kelly??) in various situations. Maybe at some point both Bob and Mary could spank the divorcee or Mary could spank her while she sucks Bob's cock...lots of possibilities.

My real life neighbor, well I have that fantasy with him.

Loved your story. Must agree needs serious editing.

My own personal pet peeve is specific descriptions, 5'2", 110 lbs, 32A bra size, blonde etc. HUGE TURN off. It is like a grocery list. A good writer lets the reader fill in the blanks. Short, fit, stunning, waif like, perky...or amazon, dark hair, steamy, strong.

Keep writing.

Yes, it's a laundry list. But I also find it helpful to have a description of the characters, especially in a story where there are several. It helps me visualize the scenes as the action unfolds. So, the physical characteristics are important to the story. Can't please everyone, I guess.

However...the 32F tits are rather large, though she is small if she's 5'1" and her chest measurement is 32". The way that works is the 32 is the measurement, in inches, around her chest just below her breasts. The cup size is the measurement around her nipples, minus the measurement around her chest. One inch per cup size. So if she's an F cup, her breasts are 6" more than her chest. That's pretty big, especially on someone only 5 feet tall. If they're small, they're more like a B cup(2" difference) or even an A, which would not be unusual on a woman that size.

As a few others have noted, it's a great story, but needs some editing. For starters, proofread, proofread, proofread. You will always find an error. I am closing in on 60 stories on this site, and every one of them has an error in it. I always find one, even after reading a story over four or five times, and running it through spellcheck. If you have someone to read over your work, take advantage of that. A fresh set of eyes will almost always find something you missed. Take your time to get a story out. You're not on deadline, so if it takes another week, you're not going to get fired.

Cool story, lots of potential for future episodes. I hope the ranters have not put you off to writing more. It takes a little practice, but you're off to a good start.

Great, hopefully you will write about her giving him her ass, he will spank her then vigorously sodomize her and she will love It.

Great finish!!