All Comments  for

Best Mom in the World

byForsaken One©
All
Comments (32)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous10/04/04

Weak

This story was as weak as a limp noodle. There was no character development, just a bunch of random sex scenes.

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by Anonymous10/04/04

awesome

I enjoy the story very much. I hope there will be a part 2 to this.

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by Anonymous10/04/04

lame as

mate this was crap as, what about some build up to the sex scenes, some seduction by either the son or the mother, the nephew or aunt, a good story needs some build up, something to fantasize to. Why was the whole thing in italics, this in itslef gave me the shits!!

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by Anonymous10/04/04

Bad

this sucked

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by Anonymous10/04/04

Good, but could be better

i love the characters, but yeah, you could use some more story and buildup to the sex scenes, but dont stop here, make a part two or even more.

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by Anonymous10/04/04

The Worst

I didn't think I could read a bad story. I was W-R-O-N-G. This had to be the worst I've ever read. Even worse than watching porn.

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by Anonymous10/04/04

What?

Not even a build-up? Ok I'll give you a 2 vote, thats because I feel sorry for you!

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by Anonymous10/04/04

ok

make a prequill

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by Anonymous10/04/04

hot stuff

Don't let the negative comments get you down. Liked the story. Sons fucking big titted moms is always hot. look forward to more from you.

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by Anonymous10/04/04

Hot, hot, hot!

Very hot story! I'd love to read more of this naughty family. But you should take care of not mixing up "aunt" and mother". It also would be very nice to read how all this has started...
Go on soon !

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by Anonymous10/05/04

Worst writing in the World!

Best mom in the world, this is some of the worst writing in the world. All I can say is, your story is trash. I'd like to say it looks as though it was written by a 10 year old, but that would be offensive to 10 year olds. Wow! I think the pathetically written indian stories are better than this.

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by Anonymous10/05/04

hahaha

its funny that people bust on you. i wonder if you cry about it. story was lame, btw

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by Forsaken One10/05/04

italics

ok, first off, the italics was not my fault. For those who have stories of their own, I pasted the text onto the box that Literotica provides. I never submitted rtf's doc's or anything else. How it got Italicised, I don't know.

Everything else's is fair game except:
There was supposed to be a note at the end that said "to be continued". This was by far not the entire story. I submitted the story once, it had a few problems. Submitted it a second time, forgot to add "to be continued".
This was supposed to be the intro, followed by chapter one (which would have concentrated on a slightly above 'normal' day), and then an almost cleverly designed flashback. then some more...

Alright, the cease fire is over. Keep the hate coming. =)

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by lohengren9910/05/04

constructive criticism

It is possible you intended this story to be a spoof of erotic writing, but I suspect not. In that case let me offer some pointers to improve your writing.

1. Develop your characters. We knew nothing about any of these people except that the aunt was a hooker. If we know nothing about them, we have no reason to care what happens to them.

2. Develop your story. This was not a story. It was simply a sequence of bland sex scenes.

3. Develop your sex scenes. There was no detail, no description, and very little idea of what the characters were feeling or thinking. Use lots of adjectives to let us know not just what the characters did, but how they did it and how they felt. It is possible to give too much detail, but most writers never approach that point.

Clearly, some readers like bare bones stories like this, but most of us want more for our time invested.

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by Anonymous10/05/04

low vote just a mistake

I wrote "hot, hot, hot". Sorry for voting with "50". It was just a mistake what you can imagine by the text I wrote.
But some critics are nevertheless right. As an intro of a series it was (in my humble opinion) great, since it made the reader (at least some of them) interested in this hot family. But the characters indeed need background and motivation. What has happended that incestious intercourse is so common for them, when did it happen for the first time,...?

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by Foo Fighter10/06/04

I think this storie shows promise

I really liked the story, my only grip is i wish it was longer. I'd also like to see more about this family from you. How it started, what happens next.

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by guanweilin10/06/04

Not bad!

Hey, the story isn't that poor though it could be better, or much better if you keep you promise that it is just an intro. Take the other reader advices, to have the characters developed. It could be a master piece given the promising start. I am a fastidious reader and i still found it quite hots. If the story is just so poor as some the the critics said, you won't receive so many feedback. They don't really care if they don't like your story. So keep the fine work going. (BTW, i rated the story 75. I hope i could rate it 100 next time.)

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by Leon2210/08/04

Damn people, back off

Hey Forsaken One

Personally, I enjoy your stories. They could be a little longer with more detail but your just starting out so that's to be expected. You'll get better as you go. Hell, my stories still need a lot of work also. Anyways, keep up with the writing. I think you have some good potential.
And to all of the assholes ripping on the poor guy, back off! If you've never posted a story here then I don't think you should get to criticize the authors that do post. Give the guy a chance and shut up. Good God, it's only a story. If you don't like it, don't read it again it's that simple.
And if you want to be petty and come over and rip on my stories go right ahead. I don't give a fuck.
Thank you

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by Anonymous06/04/05

hot story

great story you did well don't listen to thos assholes they don't know shit you are a good writer

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by Anonymous06/11/05

Not Bad

A bit more detail would have been nice, but all told, well done. The whole mother/aunt thing put a bit of spice in a story that might have otherwise been drab. my only issues are that it needs to be more detailed, and be a bit longer
Well Done

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by Anonymous09/19/05

great

I wish there was more part 2.
excellent story give us more

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by Anonymous01/21/06

more

Hope you write more of them in the future.

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by Jena12111/11/07

Mom and Aunt

This part of the story was well written - but it should have had a lead-up story - one that told us what happened to get the characters into these positions with each other - what precipitated the actions and an rundown of what the Mom and Aunt looked like - but not perfect models please - keep on writing - you will get it right eventually

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by Jena12111/11/07

Mom and Aunt

This part of the story was well written - but it should have had a lead-up story - one that told us what happened to get the characters into these positions with each other - what precipitated the actions and an rundown of what the Mom and Aunt looked like - but not perfect models please - keep on writing - you will get it right eventually

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by Anonymous12/23/07

Mom is too fast

Mom should go slow with son

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by Anonymous11/09/08

very good

you should have fucked her hard

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by Anonymous05/14/10

the best mom in the world deserves the best motherfucker

This is an excellent tale of motherfucking cousins, Tommy and Bobby, who besides shoving their dicks up their own mother's cunt, as all normal healthy boys'd love to do, they have free access to their aunts' twats as well. The story presents a fine picture of a modern, up-to-date family, where the stupid really childish taboos don't exist, and where family cunts are there to be stuffed by stiff family cocks and filled by the creamy semen from hot young family balls. Tommy's mom acts like all truly loving mothers do, and like many thousands of them are doing more and more, she takes her boy's big stiff prick down her throat and up her mommy-twat, the natural home for a son's hard on. Bobby's mother does the same for her boy, and the cousins take it for granted that they never have to jerk it, just shove it up mom's fat puss and unload their heavy teenage balls up their mother's welcoming cunthole. When mom isn't available, they use their aunt's twat, always open and available to the boys' big hard cocks and thirsty for what their nephews are carrying around in their potent teenage balls. All free and easy, no awkwardness at all, just young family dicks filling and flooding seasoned family twats, the modern family in action!

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by tobytim12/08/10

Not the best,
But good reading.What a set up for 2 young men.
A 4 some would have been good too with some bi. actin in it
Keep writing!

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by Anonymous01/06/11

you need more

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by NikkiColins10/24/11

quite hot, although i prefer a story to go with these things. some times though, a good fucking is all you need :L good work :)

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by washdog1006/27/12

Nonsensical

Seems a bit juvenile to me. I had to stop reading as it had no foundation for me to work with. Needed the build up in order to understand the incest.

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by Anonymous05/06/16

Sandra headed downstairs, and Jane went upstairs!

Tommy was finishing his breakfast when he heard his aunt Jane starting to moan upstairs, He looked at the stairway to see his mom coming down the steps. Sandra was still naked as she walked past her son heading into the bathroom. Seeing his mother naked, Tommy felt his cock twitching again, preparing to expand for the third time in an hour. As he entered the bathroom, Sandra noticed that her son was naked, and his hard cock pointing up at the ceiling. "Wow, I'm surprised to see you up again so soon after fucking your aunt Jane," Sandra said grinning. "You have the best pussy mom, and you're the one I want most," Tommy replied with a big smile. Upstairs, as Jane and her son were basking in the afterglow of their sexual romp, they noticed the shower downstairs running. As they rested, and snuggled, they began to hear Sandra's moans, and Tommy's groans, coming from the bathroom. Within minutes, they started to hear, "Fuck me Tommy, fuck me good!" "Oh god, oh yes, fuck me with your hard cock!" Oh fuck, I'm going to cum Tommy, make your mother cum!"

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