All Comments on 'Free Use Ch. 03: Unannounced Training Session'

by free_use_world

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  • 4 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

The premise is what it is. Beyond the premise, it is so matter of fact that it has no flavor. It is creepily cold and disconnected. I feel no connection or arousal, not even a voyeuristic tickle. The characters need development. The plot needs action. The sex needs better description, beyond just constant slurping sounds. That's my dog at the water bowl and it doesn't arouse me.

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permanaturalpermanaturalover 5 years ago

Different, but not terrible. I don't feel like every story needs to get the readers aroused, like the other commenter seems to think. The Mix of first and second person really takes some getting used to though. As best I can tell, the main character is Lina, and her experience is narrated in second person. The first two chapters were apparently just that, with an author who wasn't a character. This chapter seems to be narrated by Evan though.

SirAliasSirAliasabout 2 years ago

I can't get the odd perspective. The split first/second person narration is distracting as hell, I'm sorry to say.

MasterBlogmanMasterBlogmanover 1 year ago

I agree that the person-switching is really distracting. I'm never sure whose head I'm supposed to be in. Otherwise I still like the detailed descriptions.

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