All Comments on 'Quarter on the Pinball Machine'

I've been reading every sci/fi short story I can get my entire 47 years, and that was very good, and wonderfully creative. I honestly believe you should submit this story for publication at a magazine like Asimov's. http://www.asimovs.com/

I'm sure you know this, but the haters will come. Just ignore them. Their obsessive ignorance isn't worth anyones time.

5+

Maybe publish in the sci-fi

I'm not talking about the content. I have no idea what this story is about because it's unreadable. Have you ever read a book, or even a short story? Taken an English class? Maybe a better question is are you still in middle school? What a wreck of a writing effort.

you written besides these dumb ass comment.? NOTHING! All you do is bitch bitch bitch like the old fat ugly fag fool you are.

Unreadable.What was this supposed to be? Wow!

Wrong category -5

1*

Tressie? Is that you? I thought you were in Alaska!

Thought this was thought provoking and different. It does explore the mindset of people who have experienced sexual abuse. In this case, the wife's falling in love with a woman is quite a twist. Yes, this could have ended in the TG/TV category too, but was still a loving wife who wanted to help her TG husband.

I give you 5 because of its unique quality and loving nature.

Telling us not to write comments that you don't like is like us tell you not to write stories that we don't want to read. Its an open forum and we all have to remember that words will never hurt us, physically. Anyone not mentally equipped to deal with criticism needs to return to the Adult shop and get some repair work done.

This story reads like it took a lot of thought and imagination. At least as far as I could stand to read. It got really weird and obscure and confusing. I love science fiction, and fantasy, and mysterious drama. But I have to be able to understand what is going on pretty early in the story to stay invested.

I totally agree it is a Loving Wives story, but a really difficult one to understand and enjoy. You set yourself up with an incredible challenge giving the complex and fantastical elements of your plot. I hope others can understand and enjoy all the hard work you put into it. I couldn't.

I appreciate your post. Your 'I statements' were fair and honest. My disclaimers at the top are so folks don't waste their time, not so they don't write comments. FCS Anon had requested people label their stories, so I did. I don't expect that to prevent his secret thrill and ensuing shame. As interested as he seems to be in this stuff, I suspect there's a truly beautiful person inside waiting to blossom. For SciFi stories, you never know how much traction SciFi terminology may get, so I try to report the experiences. If I tried to explain everything as it happens, it might read more like a dictionary or a textbook on the paranormal, rather than a story. I can relate to not being up to digging too deep if the genre is not one's primary interest. That's another reason for the SciFi disclaimer. Even so, the SciFi is part of the vehicle, while loving wives is the central issue.

I'm not sure what you're trying to accomplish. Within a few paragraphs I just moved to the end.

LW = Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing

Your major element is... I don't know. It was so ridiculous after a few paragraphs. But I would doubt it met the LW criteria above.

If you want to write SF then stay in SF. 1*

Would have given a 0 if possible,

I think you should send this story to Marvel studios...It would be a good episode for the TV serie "Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D."...As a LW story it's simply bad...1*

Listen to the comments that say this is extremely poorly written, take it to heart, and do something about it if you want to keep writing. It took me two sentences to see how badly this was written. I didn't even finish it, it was so bad.

There are dozens of free on line writing classes. Take a few and practice before you make another attempt.

I thought, "This might be weirdly interesting." I'll never know. It was unreadable, for me.

Specificity about why it's unreadable: It started with a douchey intro, which was a major turn off. Just a "This story contains material about... and some might find it offensive," is good. Talking about how people are "not ready," or have "outgrown" is just douchey.

It's written in present tense, which is never good. Past tense, for fiction. That was the second strike.

The dialogue took me out. Labeling the dialogue with the character's names, like a screenplay: not good. What prompted that choice? Try "He said." That seems to work pretty well. It may well be weirdly interesting, but it will have to be written differently for me to ever find out.

another illiterate WHORE posting cuck SHIT.

Your so cute, trying to troll me! It's darling.

I'll answer your question, since you amuse me.

Because I wasn't talking to you, or any of the other idiot trolls. Only the author.

Just to help you understand the difference. This was addressed to you.

The advice really wasn't necessary however, as the author is clearly more literate and intelligent than the trolls, and writes with a confidence I am certain doesn't require my humble support.

Have a great day!

Welcome back. "I'm leaving Literotica." Right. Since you are tne only one around who knows how to make more than one anonymous comment, we know it's you. You fool no one. Besides, you're the only shit-head around who tries to answer every comment, like you did on your little pseudonymous story. Your habits are just too well known.

Too much wrong to even begin.

This is an insult, sci fi, loving wives and trans genres.

The reason I resorted to screenplay format during the shrink's flashback was twofold.

1. To be as quick as possible, like her mental playback.

2. To portray her mental playback as a movie.

Keeping her POV I maintained the format into the present, still viewing the action like a movie. Once the action gets more reflective in nature, the format changes.

Lot of garbage

This is actually a very good story. I figured it would be hot when it got the one word bad (and moronically brief) review from the guy we've started calling One-Word-Cuck.

Glad I looked. God Job.

That guy one stars everything good. He's beyond feeling. The last thing he tried before flaming good stories here was sitting on a cactus, but he gave up cause he could never tell if it was in yet.

Not to get into a Category War, but since there ARE Sci-fi and Trans categories, why is it in LW? It has "serious TransGender issues" and "strong SciFi/Fantasy elements."

Very good question deserves a very good answer. I place my stories into the category where the primary issue is central. Yes, there are other issues, such as the nature of the protagonist and the degree of SciFi involved.

Sausage Fest was an example. The SciFi was really the star of the show, so that's where it got placed. In other stories, the SciFi may only be a 'best supporting actress' role.

Since the primary theme of THIS story is opening of the marriage a little bit, that's central for LW category. I don't subscribe to the...

'If it contains a [add name of color, creed, nationality, orientation or gender identity here] then it should be segregated'

...philosophy that some espouse here.

I've seen one commenter make a joke about having different LW categories for different sexual identities, for different skin colors, for American Indians, for disabled people, etc. The sad truth is that many the phobic people who congregate here might actually vote for such a measure!

I like that you asked a fair question, and I hope I've answered it.

-1000 for you. I admit that I could not get passed the third line of your introduction and the word 'happy cuck'. I do not care for your all out war on the male humans of this planet. However, I imagine there is a special place for you somewhere subterranean.

Wow, just Wow!

WTF??!! This was too confusing for me ;-( I'm too confused to even give it a rating.

Concerning your comment about whether LW should be split up or not. Not sure it has to do with phobic people or just wanting better transparency concerning the stories. I do think LW should be split into more categories. Cuck stories should be separated from "simple" cheating stories. Of course, the next question will be what will the extra categories that result from the split. Right now, I, personally only see the need for 2 categories - Cheaters, Cucks with actual loving wives being relegated to to Romance or Erotic Couplings. In actuality, I don't generally pay much attention to the categories but do find it annoying when authors don't give a heads up on their content.

mfj

I gave up.