All Comments on 'Prototype Ch. 08'

Really liking the direction. Good to get back to Ben's POV. Really interested to see where this is going, particularly the new element of Anna. Next chapter can't be posted fast enough.

I didn't mind Rachel's POV, the main thing for me being the unfolding of the plot.

Loving the story.

Still wondering if it will ever link back to the original story's protagonist and what happened to him.

My favorite erotica on Lit currently.

Please keep up the excellent writing! Can't wait for the next chapter!

Going after friends and family members just complicated things. Ben doesn't seem to think very strategically.

Also be careful of your story focus.

The shift to Rachel's POV was a great twist. You've gone back to Ben's, and I feel like you have gained momentum. This chapter's move to strengthen Ben's resolve and remind him that Rachel is a willing participant now, and now we have his next target and the beginnings of a plan. Perfectly done to encourage me to read the next chapter.

Now I wait eagerly.

I really enjoyed Rachel's POV. That added a ton of heat to it, and if there's one thing I love about MC stories it's the unintended consequences of things. A poorly-worded command can lead to a whole world of possibilities, as you've shown.

I hope you'll keep up with them! One thing I would have loved to see, and which I think you've set up quite nicely, is for Rachel to make Maggie subservient to her. Rachel doesn't seem jealous of Maggie, but she does want to make sure her Master is safe and protected. So it seems logical that she'd find a way to slip some obedience commands into Maggie's training just so Rachel can be sure she's fully onboard with the her Master's best interests.

Plus, I think it'd be seriously hot if neither Maggie nor Ben ever saw the subservience to Rachel as something unusual or abnormal. While the reader can see the commands slipped in there and understand what's happening, the "victims" might see it as a cutesy affectation or a natural evolution of the girls' relationship. In the end, Rachel has solid control over all the women in Ben's life. Ben gets Maggie in a non-slave way that he seems to want. Rachel gets to play with Maggie as her toy when Ben isn't around. Everyone's happy.

There are a lot of ways to go and I can't wait for the next installment!

Rachel actually says "no" to Ben at least three times in this chapter. I was kinda hoping she would be forced to come up with creative ways to deny him without explicitly using the word "no". 😄 It's tricky to perfectly follow the 'rules' literally in a story like this, so I only consider this a minor oversight in an otherwise excellent story, but thought I'd mention it anyway.