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Jesse's Girl

byarchibael©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous10/06/04

Needs more work

No Mind Control noted. Hinted at in the story, but, doesn't come out & say the YL is mindcontroled. Needs much more work.

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by Anonymous10/07/05

Nothing To Do With Mind Control

The story goes nowhere with a disappointing ending. Write about how he got Cathy through some devious method, write about how Jesse turned tables on him, write about how Cathy straigtened him out... but PLEASE, add some plot twists and turns to tell an interested story.

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by Anonymous06/10/07

nice

I think it was brilliant.

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