All Comments on 'A Fucking English Lesson'

Going along with taught/taut, people use taunt (to tease) instead of taut (stretched tight). Also I've seen many times people use lied (means a past tense of to lie or tell a false truth) instead of laid (I LAID down on the bed, not I LIED down on the bed). I'm soooo glad someone finally put this in writing!! IT DRIVES ME NUTS!! I've always attributed it to my being an English major. THANK YOU AGAIN secretsxywriter!!

Loved this submission! 5 stars! But I need to say that It's been my experience that many times the author uses too many commas. He/she uses a comma where none should be. I've also observed that some authors use a comma where there should be a semi-colon. Maybe they think a semi-colon is something only a half-ass would have!

a fucking male sheep with its nuts cut off!

# Blond = A Fucking Male Hair Color

# Blonde = A Fucking Feminine Hair Color

English is not my mother language, but to my knowledge the hair colour (adj.) is either "blonde" or "blonde" no matter the sex of whom it belongs, while a "blond" (n.) is a male with blonde hair and a "blonde" (n.) is a female with blond hair.

To be discrete: To be fucking separate

To be discreet: To be able to keep fucking secrets

Potential writers out there, please use this guide of commonly misused words. Your readers will notice.

One disagreement. A "boarder" is the person who stays and usually pays for the privilege, e.g. In a boarding house. It is indeed pleasing to see someone who on the whole understands the use of basic English. It saves me despairing the murder of the language and having to "shutter" as I read!!

Whither and wither.

Faint and feint.

Lesser and lessor.

Less when fewer should be used.

Vagina when vulva is the correct term.

How could you leave out 'site' & 'sight', the difference of which seems to be lost to 90% of the public.

I laughed, I cried, and I learned something.

Can we force all writers on Lit to read it?

LOL I never claimed to be infallible...just frustrated!

My list consisted of the words I had room for on my bio. But I can now submit edited versions of this post.

Thank you for the additional suggestions, as well as the corrections. Maybe my next submission will be on comma usage...which, of course, depends on which side of the Atlantic Ocean you live on.

SSW

Rain/rain/reign.

Apparition/aberration.

Did you mean rein/rain/reign?

Clothes are made from cloth.

# Course = A Fucking Path

I think you should also add: -or fucking series of classes covering an educational topic

# Shutter = A Fucking Window Cover

I think you should add - or a fucking camera device for exposure

Finally I would agree with the comment left by another poster that the word blond can be spelt with a trailing 'e' or without. Gender never being an issue. Perhaps in French but NOT in English.

Just you wait. In a hundred years there will be people saying a potatoe is a female potato.

And you, secretsxywriter, are Uppercase Fucking Beautiful!

If nothing else, you know how to use the word fucking.

Boyd Percy

Thank you.

Thank you for an outstanding story. That has always been one of my pet peeves. The other is using the wrong name in a story, specially where there are multiple key people involved.

This is one of the funniest things I have read in a long time. It is also one of the saddest because it is so true.

I just had to read it to find out what the fuss was about. As a card-carrying pedant regarding the English language, I'm delighted that I did.

As several commenters have pointed out, SecretSexyWriter's list is excellent but not exhaustive. Maybe a complete list of errors is beyond feasibility. Authors keep creating new ones.

Sometimes a story can be so well told and so engaging that the errors in spelling or grammar don't distract quite so much. In a site like Literotica with amateur authors it is unrealistic to expect perfection.

But when a story is of marginal interest, the added distraction can make the difference between bothering to read it and abandoning the effort.

Re-defining words is another feature of Literotica that interests me. For example, the Loving Wives commentariat has re-defined 'cuckold' (often mis-spelled as 'cockold') to mean a submissive wimpish husband of an adulteress, and 'consequence' to include only the negative outcomes which may result from her adultery. Maybe each story category needs its own glossary.

Lue

Ha you missed that one.

It is my pet peeve as well. We all make mistakes but when I hit three in the first two paragraphs I'm done. I don't care how good the plot is. If it's painful to read I won't.

I probably read each story four or five times before I press the publish button and a few times I've still missed something.

Thanks

Drug - noun - things you hopefully only buy at a pharmacy

Dragged - verb - past tense - he was dragged from the car.

5*

Now you need to create a list of the actual meanings of all the derivations of the verb "to fuck".

Except I learned something. The blond/blonde thing. Thanks!

Correct spelling, but wrong word.

I just came across another example in a story: author used 'beacon' when he meant 'bacon'.

You could also add:

Oral - in your fucking mouth

Aural - in your fucking ear

This is the best list ever.

someone mentioned "write" / "right." There are two more to go with this.

Right = correct or not left

Write = to compose, as in a story

Wright = a maker of something

Rite = a ritual

And one that doesn't come up often, but jars when someone mentions jewelry.

Carat = quality or weight of a gemstone

Karat = purity of precious metal

Carrot = what Bugs Bunny eats

Caret = the ^ symbol

only posted as Anon because I don't have an account yet.

Do I get a fucking prize for knowing and correctly using all the fucking words on this fucking list?

@ Anonymous - You get the privilege of joining the ranks of us that know how to write the right way. Red pen not required; use of the F word optional. The secret phrase will be sent you privately through the male...er...mail.

Welcome to the fucking club!

SSW

Something which I never see from English writers:

"Grinded" as the past tense of "grind" - surely the correct word is "ground?"

"Dove" as the past tense of "dive" - sorry, but for me a dove is a bird from the pigeon family. The past tense of dive is "dived."

And the one which is my real "chalk on the blackboard" hate - "snuck." Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

As another editor, I too absolutely despair at some of the "English" which gets onto this site.

Only one statement seems appropriate..."Fucking A!"

Add "that" vs "who"

5 Stars!

I learned something from your post. Although I knew the meaning and proper usage of 99.9% of the terms in your list I did learn the difference between blond and blonde. Thank you for that. As I read through 'A Fucking English Lesson" I chuckled at your use of the word "fucking." Somehow I could just hear it rolling off of your tongue in a cynical and cutting manner. As a frequent reader on this site I am hesitant to offer advice to someone that writes stories. However, some authors would do well to read their own submissions. I was taught that if someone reads something that I wrote and cannot understand it, its not their fault, its mine.

That particular one has the confusion that there is a noun form of affect and a verb form of effect, so it's not quite as clear. Of course, the meanings are different in each way.

I hope my efforts to effect a positive change in this discourse do not lead you to think I have a pedantic affect :).

I skimmed several stories by an author that constantly wrote withered instead of writhed.

wither-fucking dried and shriveled up

writhe-wiggling like a fucking worm.

I have read multiple stories with such awful grammar, that even though I enjoyed the plot I couldn't finish them. One in particular comes to mind, where and author mistook suspender belt for garter belt. I let it slip the first time, thinking it was an accident, but it continued throughout the next couple paragraphs to the point of me having to stop reading all together.

I really enjoy your stories because of how well written they are.

I came back to your page yesterday to reread Raw, and discovered you had added to the 'raw universe' with Occupational Hazard. It was a beautiful stand alone series, but I really appreciated you intertwining your series in a realistic way, without pulling the reader from the story.

I think that as a writer, reader, or just a general fan of the written word, we tend to be more sensitive to misuse of grammar. Frequently, I have had to restrain myself from pointing out typos, grammatical errors, or incorrect use of context when reading certain posts. It can be so distracting from the storyline, but it's FUCKING painful to read, not even a pleasurable pain.

Thank you for your entries and for reminding everyone of proper English and grammar.

I fucking love it LMAO

This is a true fine fucking list of often fucked-up vocabulary. I could rack my brain to fine udders but these are much of the wons that people snafu.

Fine work.

And we'll ignore the split infinitive in the fourth paragraph.

( C ;

For nearly fourty years I've been confused about the difference between affect and effect. You fixed that problem with less then 10 words. Thank you.

I laughed a lot fucking harder than I probably should've.

I wish every person would read this.

I agree with you. When there is bad grammar in a story I wonder (or is it wander, lol) if the writer is, one, an English speaker, and two have they been educated.

I have seen a t-shirt that says,

"Silently correcting your grammar"

Sometimes I find myself not so silently correcting your grammar.

Thanks for this simple and hopefully effective list, although I have a doubt that many fucking writers have read it, based on what I've read lately.

I think misused words are like viruses and fucking spread geometrically in the same way. One story will contain one, and all too soon, dozens are popping up all over the place in stories of every genre.

My personal bugbear is shutter instead of shudder, which takes a story from an interesting description of how someone reacts to pleasure, pain or fear, to the reaction to an expected storm.

Shutter - to fucking board up a window or door, or the fucking cover you use to do that.

Shudder - fucking muscle spasms

Fuck is the most versatile word in English, and perhaps even any language, as it can be used as a noun, verb, adverb, adjective, pronoun, interrogative, interjection and just about any other part of speech in all tenses and all situations. (Except when meeting Her Majesty. She frowns internally at that.)

...and I couldn't agree more. I always flinch when I see misspellings, incorrectly used words, poor punctuation etc. Worse than flinch, I seethe when I see a comment that says something to the effect of: "Don't worry about proper spelling and grammar, they don't matter." I find myself screaming at my computer: "Yes they fucking well do matter!" It's bad enough when such errors come from a poor writer but far worse when they come from an otherwise good writer/storyteller. Thanks, SSW---hopefully some people will take notice of what you say.

I couldn't help noticing that the Anon who at last appreciates the difference between 'affect' and 'effect' is a little confused about 'fourty' and 'forty'.

Can I pretty please post this?

Abso-fucking-lutely. Nothing destroys the flow of reading more than the type of mistake SSW is going for here- throws the brain as it has to self correct.

And point made with a joke and a smile... well done SSW.

This posting was great!

I looked for cum vs come and realized I knew less than I did. A reference piece for sure!

May I add stripping / striping; barely / barley; and, a particular bugbear of mine, it should be chaise longue, not chaise lounge. It means a long chair and is pronounced shezz long.

On come vs. cum: I'm really confused with this debate, 'cause now some online dictionaries define it as both a noun and verb, although informal. I've always used "cum" as both a noun and verb, simply 'cause it felt right to me, and will continue to do so. Plus, I've also seen "come" defined as an infiormal noun. So, yea, I'm confused, but also not really concerned.

If you ever decide to update this list, here are a few more words you should consider adding - not sure if other readers have suggested them already. Haven't read all the comments:

Choke/cholk

Complement/compliment

Crowed/crowed

Does/dose/doze

Lookout/ look out

Of/Off

Onto/on to

Quite/quiet

Stared/starred

Thought/though

That's all I got. :-) Thanks for the list.

# Advice = Offer a fucking appropriate course of action

# Advise = To give fucking advice

For those Authors who can't speak much less type or write English, you need to learn the language before you use it, Vise Versa for English speaking authors for foreign languages.

Thank you for writing it. It seriously pisses me off when people use the wrong word.

I suspect that you'll be adding to it for practically fucking ever.

I have an additional fucking definition for rode; the fucking rope or chain that attaches the fucking anchor to the fucking boat or ship. I don't suppose I'll see that much on Literotica though.

Keep up the good work.

Huzzah to a literate approach to improving the writing in Literotica.

You mentioned come / cum but as A fucking Englishman it would be come and even coming.

The fucking past tense of fucking dive can be fucking dived or fucking dove with an extended o sound (as in Dover) not the short version which is indeed a bird of the fucking pigeon family.

No fucking list is ever fucking complete.

keep up the fucking good work

If only my English teacher had taught it this way....

I haven't laughed this hard in a long fucking time. I know this was submitted back in. 2017 but I had to leave a comment. Brilliantly done, SSW.

Brilliant~

Should be compulsory reading for every author

Awe can also be a fucking shock (both good and bad connotations of shock)

damn, there's grammar to study - OMG - so well done - LOL

Amazing, I am azzzing

Maybe some have their soul at the sole?

Nicely writen if I may say so.

Well done man,in fact I trying to learn English by erotic stories!!! And it's fucking good!

Gawd, I would have learnt so much more if my English class was like this. :-)

Very well done!

This list is so necessary and, in various forms, I've seen it before. However, I never laughed my ass off reading it! Either Daniel Webster or George Carlin - or maybe both - are spinning in their graves!

The money-shot actually came up front: "I'm into anal...when it comes to being grammatically correct!"

One that sort of does and doesn't fit on this list is a subset of our texting culture: 'A lot' versus 'alot'.

Illiteracy creeps into English as surely as the barbarians encroached upon the Roman frontiers, but people like you stand unwavering and steadfast! Thank-you!

Rgds,

TSF

Finally. If you want to get a woman’s knickers off, you really would do well to turn on her mind. This won’t be done by the village idiot. Small things can be overlooked, but for the love of gods at least make the effort. Full round of applause here.

Great list! I would have provided a comment sooner, but now I'm nervous about what I'm writing...

Absolutely fucking brilliant. However vise, as in metal working tool can be spelled both ways. See Oxford English Dictionary.

Fourty = Not a fucking word ....greatest of them all

Very good fucking list! I si two many righters ruin there story's with whoreable grammer.

Lol ;->

This wasn't what I expected, but I do take my snortle.

i.e. does not mean therefore, it means "that is" (from Latin, "id est").

So, "e.g." means "one fucking example is ..." while "i.e." means "the only fucking example is ..."

Although: dove vs dived and smelled vs smelt should probably be removed. They're interchangeable. It's just that Americans don't use 'smelt'

I would give this a thousand stars if I could! Here’s one I read recently that is not on your very comprehensive list: rouge vs. rogue. Used many times, so not merely a typo.

Right Fucking On.

As a retired teacher, and professor, I commend you sir, if for nothing else than your passion.

While languages should be used, and recognized as they change and grow, some effects (VS. affects) of “social” media are not always seen (seen vs. saw-is a regional, mainly spoken, misuse heard in West Michigan -often by highly educated persons).

Fantastic list, not complete, but as any dictionary compiler will tell you, it ever is. My pet peeves are the idiotic substitution of “drag/dragged” for “drug” and the nonsensical made up word “deplane”.

Good Grief Charlie Brown!

Many thanks for writing and posting, my Wife will love this, mostly because as a teacher this is a subject close to her heart. 5⭐️ Naturally.

Regards, Ppfzz.

# ect

This should be required reading for all college frosh. High school if the School Board wouldn't bitch.

If I knew these definitions for affect/effect it would have saved me so much grief.

Absolutely brilliant, although my pet peeve is the use of the word fit for ALL tenses of the verb to fit. I inwardly scream when I see someone has written 'It fit', when they clearly mean 'It fitted'.