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English
too glib
You have some fascinating ideas but your treatment of them is too superficial. Why are the demons there? How do they cause the Protagonist to commit suicide? (in much more detail). The whole story needs to be fleshed out (no pun intended!) and then it will be more believable. Good luck!
I agree
Interesting ideas, good use of description, but too short and could have been fleshed out.
Hrm
Sounds like a bit of therapy writing. I'm all for that, believe me. I have journals full of it, myself, and am no stranger to issues of death, darkness and suicide. Just not sure it falls under the catagory of erotic. It's a tad repulsive in that respect.
Now that I'm done being critical, you've got some real potential. I'd be interested in seeing some more of your work. =)
SUCK
this story sucked horribly
wow!
well, it was REALLY good. The only thing I would have done differently was more detail everywhere.
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