All Comments on 'Lauren and Bonnie'

by coaster2

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  • 105 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Great story

But the behaviour of his ex-wife is disconcerting. She acted like she hated her husband and her kids and it doesn't make sense for her personality changes. Marriage requires work, sure, and most families are dual-income just to make ends meet, but she went from a loving wife and mother to a total bitch in less than a year. And why would she have even wanted to get married to her ex-husband anyway? She didn't even like him.

johntcookseyjohntcookseyover 6 years ago
What About Lauren

At first I thought I would like to hear Lauren's point of view, but then I realized that would probably water down what is ultimately a nice, tightly structured little yarn, with the fun device of ping-ponging forward and back in time. Well done. *****

tazz317tazz317over 6 years ago
I DONT BELIEVE HE WANTS TO HEAR

I Told Them So. TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
I'm left wanting more...

The story feels a bit too tight...the sons response, the wife's almost psychotic rejection of family, etc were dealt with sparsely. Kinda bleak.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Yeah, yeah, the old song about the dangers of a professionally successful wife. This time a bit exaggerated.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Some people are just self-destructive

In this story it was the ex-wife Lauren.

It still amazes me the selfish people like that reflect all that they do onto others and, blane others for their own failings. Unfortunately, if they never learn they wind up alone.

Very good story, nicely written and, very true to life; have seen real life play out like this.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
CUCK SHIT

Cuck Shit

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Something more?

The story finished leaving me with wondering was there something more?

With the title of Lauren and Bonnie, I thought the two were connected directly some how and not just their connection with Zach. At first I thought Bonnie was working for Lauren so she could provide information on her ex husband or something more devious. Instead it really was nothing.

It just seemed like something was missing,

Richie4110Richie4110over 6 years ago
Delicious

Repeat motif with different ending. Loved it!

I also would like to see the rest of the story. However, I understand that this one stands as an alternate ending (sort of)to your earlier work. Both worked for me

Thank you.

LordSlamdawggLordSlamdawggover 6 years ago
Wife Collogues Maladroitly to " Have It All ". Complications Ensue.

coaster2 has definite skills as an author and has written some first tier stories to his credit. His specialty is chronicling a modern marriage on the skids from vantage point of steady-as-she-goes husband who is flummoxed by wife of over a decade standing donning career blinders and progressively going rogue to ruinous effect . This happens everyday in real life and is rich fodder for multiple stories.

Multiple previous comments have noted the wife in this chronicle bring one-dimensional and shallow in her portrayal. I agree. Other then that ...I applaud most of the tale. The differing reactions of the sons as marriage sundered was quality touch.

Something happened to Lauren along this journey . Her POV deserved expanding to answer the question of the radical shift in her priorities. Maybe next time.

I thank coaster2 for sharing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

put this into the non-erotic portion of the site, or possibly romance

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
OLD

I read this years ago on Storiesonline. It was shit then, it's still shit now, the bitch just walks free. Nice job. ☆

BuckeyebobBuckeyebobover 6 years ago
A great story

It ended a bit abruptly but a good story nonetheless.

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 6 years ago
Thoughts

I read this on the other site, but it's been a while, so here goes!

"her manager offered to put her on salary plus commission" - She's not a sales rep, so what would her commission be based on?

"since my sales have been so good." - Again, her job was to direct serious customers to the sales reps, so how does SHE have any sales?

"You'd do that? You'd stop me from trying to better myself?" - He didn't say anything about "stopping" her. He asked if it would make any difference if he ASKED her not to do it.

"The next thing would be her lawyer trying to extract higher alimony out of me." - I'm thankfully not familiar with divorce law, and maybe there are some judges and/or jurisdictions where things are different, but I don't think raises that happen AFTER a divorce affect alimony. With her great "success," isn't she making enough to not get alimony?

"Those boys are going to regret that someday." - No, LAUREN'S going to regret it some day!

"When she turned on me and let the dogs loose" - What basis does she have to "let the dogs loose?" Whatever half-ass charges she makes should be easily refuted by the boys!

"Do you think Lauren cheated on you?" - It's a sad fact of life in the LW universe that when a good wife starts working longer hours, and growing more distant from her family, that she is cheating.

"The way the law works, your mother will end up with custody of both of you until you are eighteen years old." - Strictly speaking, that's not true. Given the age of the boys, their wishes, and their testimony about how she's been an absentee parent, he should fairly easily get custody.

"You've been jealous of me and my success ever since I started work." - Once again, if she's so "successful," why does she need alimony?

If they can prove she was hiding income, she should have to pay the cost of proving it, not to mention re-paying the alimony that was based on her false income statements.

@Anonymous Re: "CUCK SHIT" - Just what is cuck about this. Although it is hinted, there is never even any clear statement that she cheated, and he certainly never accepted it.

@Anonymous Re: "OLD" - How does she "walk free?" She had to pay back all her ill-gotten gains, any cheating that MAY have occurred wasn't even pertinent to the story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Need more.

You are a good writer. Great story....But, we need another chapter. You have an opportunity to more fully develop and explore Lauren's character. I would love to know what was going on in her head when she transitioned from loving wife and mother to bitch. Please consider another chapter giving us the bitch's perspective.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Well-written story, but something's missing

I enjoyed this thoughtful, well-written story, but it felt a little empty to me. Like how and why Lauren totally transformed, over a relatively short period of time, from a loving wife and caring mother of 20 years to a selfish, money-hungry shrew who thinks only of herself and believes her husband is jealous of her success. After 20 years as a good wife and mother, Lauren's transformation seems totally out of character. What happened to her that caused her to turn into such a monster? Perhaps a second chapter is needed.

dwoelfledwoelfleover 6 years ago
Something different for you

A different pace and approach for you. This time you left it to the reader to fill in the blanks. Nicely done and very different from your usual long evolution. Quite enjoyed this change and the quiet romance.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
I liked the basic story,

but you left out enough of the Lauren story to really set up the ending you gave it. While I like the good guy to win Lauren's attitude and character don't really fit the plot.

Keep at it I think there is an author somewhere in you that wants to be let out, take a little more time to let the story out.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Nah! This is enough.

I don't want to read anything else about his ex. I just don't care. As usual, another great story by coaster2. Five big ones, of course.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Is it just me?

This was a pretty good story, but I've got a creeping feeling with this and a few more offerings lately that they're old stories that have been recycled. Maybe it's just that there's only so many scenarios available to work from. Maybe the new stories aren't as good as they used to be and Lit needs a pick me up, but that's probably just the conspiracy nut surfacing in me. Either way, I still enjoy your writing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
More, More, More...........................

We need more on this story, part #2 would be great, all about the miserable xwife, don't let it end here.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
A pretty good story, any follow up

Also in a divorce, you both file your taxes together ,so how can she hid her income. Even if she filed separately you have to produce your tax returns. Unless her employer was committing fraud and not filing a 1099 would she be able to hid her income. And that make no sence it would open him to all kids of investigations.

SantacruzmanSantacruzmanover 6 years ago
Good hearted story

Good writing and your team was right. Just the right amount of characters and no BTB stuff. Thanks for sharing and hope to see more soon.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Well he wasn't in the special forces and he didn't get millions from suing her work.

In fact, this was a pretty reality bases story. There were a few things I didn't like about it. His wife's transformation was quite a turn a round. A little more background into why that happened would have been nice. Also the dialogue was pretty stilted, especially between him and Bonnie.

I understand you took a challenge when writing this I guess for a writing exercise that's fine but to limit yourself when writing a story like this is not particularly smart.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
One

One thing out of order here. When the children are the age they were they are not automatically given to the wife the get to choose which parent they will live with.

RhomanovRhomanovover 6 years ago
****.*

Nice basic story. Still, I feel like something is missing. Not the SAS, Navy Seal, Intel Op, or Super Hero, ... This felt more like a journal, a number of journal entries instead of a story.

Not bad though. Just not quite a five.

Thx 😎

kimi1990kimi1990over 6 years ago
On this site, there are stories and there are... other things.

This is a story. It's not a great story, but it's a good story. The... other things, are letters to some forum in a porn magazine. Some people come here for that. Fine, I'm glad they can enjoy. I come to read stories. They may have a great deal of erotic content, or not so much, but they are stories. This is a story. Thanks, Coaster2.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
I liked it

I liked it very much. Reality based and I hope you follow up with more.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
not bad, given the constraints

Given the constraints you accepted, it's a pretty good story. As others have mentioned, I think the "why" of Lauren's transformation from loving wife to heartless bitch needed further development. It might have been worth introducing a 6th character, someone from her work, if that would have allowed some gaps to be filled.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Nice story (but)

She's merely -- increasingly -- bitchy. So the breakup proceeds by predictable stages, as does the new relationship with Miss Available and Suitable, until the story ends. Well told, but no twists or surprises or revelations of the kind that reveal something new to the reader. You have the talent! More!

bruce22bruce22over 6 years ago
Good Story

Excellent example of how life can go to Hell in a hand basket. The only surprise is that he isn't permanently off women.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Questions for the Bot

So is ANY story with a cheating wife “cuck shit”? I mean, technically if she cheats he’s a cuckold. But isn’t there a spectrum here between sissy boi’s who get off on it and those who dump the cheater? (Not that we should be censoring via scorn for either one.) But by the apparent Bot Rules even a BTB story is “cuck shit”. And when do you apply the “illiterate cuck shit” label? Is it for a single typo because most are relatively literate. Why apply a strict definition to “cuckold” but not to “literate”? I think you should have to be required to explain every element of the “illiterate cuck shit” label if you’re going to apply it rather than ding-dong-ditch cut-and-paste three-word comments.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Great

Another winner! Love your stories.

Boyd Percy

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 6 years ago
@Anonymous Re: "Is it just me?"

IF you read the intro, you would see where coaster SAID this had been previously posted on another site.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Pretty good story

After so many years together, I would have preferred some type of ultimatum about cutting back her work hours to what they agreed to, and working on improving their relationship before actually filing for divorce, and if she wouldn't agree to that (and it doesn't seem like she would have) THEN going this route, but that was my only real qualm. At least he didn't do what the typical LW wife does when her husband works too much, and start a new relationship before ending his old one.

Thanks for the story.

Cog

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
hiding material facts if a legal process

can be labeled FRAUD. and in some case of divorce may cause the spouse hiding facts and related data can find their butt in the big house...

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Unfinished

Would like to have had more details on the sudden change in her, just didn't feel like a complete ending. I have a 3 add a chapter and clean up the details.

blackrandl1958blackrandl1958over 6 years ago
@anonymous, "Bot."

There are a few commenters who are here for the incredibly entertaining exercise of pasting a canned comment onto every story. "Fag cuck shit" guy, "BTB belongs in fetish" guy, "Policywank is a..." guy, "Amyyum is a..." guy (also known as alphabet guy), "Anony is..." guy (also know as bonnytaylor), and a couple of named and boringly repetitive creatures. Thankfully, "Helena Montana," guy seems to have disappeared. Now, if "tell a nasty story in the comments" guy would have a power outage, life would be splendid.

It is their only form of amusement. It doesn't really harm anyone, and, much like the attribution, "he said," the eye slides right by it after a while. Explain? No, I'm afraid this is beyond their capabilities. They have "cntrl+V" memorized. Other keys on the keyboard lie in the realm of mystery and arcana. Some have not even solved the gnosis of "CAPS LOCK," and shout perpetually. Ah, well, we are patient with these foibles. Nice story, Coaster2. You da man!

Drbeamer3333Drbeamer3333over 6 years ago

Thanks for the effort. No real emotion between the husband and wife, so I didn't really care about the end of their marriage.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
1* Boring Dry Wimp Story

I wish there was a separate category for eimp cuck krap.

KnightofoilKnightofoilover 6 years ago
Not your best

I had no issues with the jumping around but no back story on her... Didn't work out? Did lance keep his job? Was the bf the reason she got the big promotion ?

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
this is a ...

3* story on its own. But I'll grade it based on the other submissions today. 5*

Bitch needed some pain!

ScorpioJJScorpioJJover 6 years ago
Just a little bit more

It is not quite finished. Did Lauren really think they would get back together and if so, what did she think of being replaced as Mrs. Thurlow? When it all hits her it will be too late. No husband, estranged kids no expensive condo since she had to pay back lots of cash. Was it all worth it?

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

I gave it a 5. A couple of laugh out loud moments and the time jumps were obvious enough to not be a bother.

I think the portrayal of the husband's character was spot on. Give an engineer a problem and he will strive to solve it...quickly and economically, with little emotion.

I would like the story to have continued until Lauren's rise and fall arc was complete. Maybe have all of her success at her job be related to "extra-curricular" activities, so that when her boss and clients tire of her, she is back to working 9-4 M-F at low pay.

Danger09Danger09over 6 years ago
O.....k...

😕. There was way more dialogue between zach and Bonnie than Lauren and zach. I didn't like that.. So many unanswered questions. Was she cheating? Did she finally realize what she lost? I just didn't care for the story. It was more of a Bonnie and zach story than a cheating wife.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
L & B

Not bad at all ! You've got enough room for one more chapter . I for one would like to see more . Keep up the good work !

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
More Zach's fault than Lauren (2*)

Zach is acting like a control freak and never acknowledged that she was doing something "important". He dismisses her degree and the menial job and wants her to be the housewife even after the children are grown. Zach comes across as a selfish creep and creates the drama at home with his total lack of emotional support for Lauren. Only Bonnie who falls over herself to "please Zach" attracts his attention.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
The last Anonymous...

...just another entitled Femi-Nazi...wonder how many men she's fucked over?

kimi1990kimi1990over 6 years ago
Femi-Nazi? Isn't that fresh.

Christ, dude, you and the other fool are two sides of the same coin. One leftist idiot who doesn't understand that partnerships demand compromise on all sides, not self-actualization pseudo-psychology, and a cretin of the right, spouting sexist garbage. Between you, you don't have the intelligence of a brussel sprout. Why open your mouth and show the paucity of your imagination? Embarrassing!

FD45FD45over 6 years ago
Yeah

Hiding assets is fraud. When a guy does it, he goes to jail.

When a woman does it, somehow, jail is off the table because of 'the children'.

Sniff.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Hypocracy...

...Ah, the American Dream.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
More Zach's fault LOL

Mr. Anonymous must be lowering writing for him unreal Zacks fault LMAO

njlaurennjlaurenover 6 years ago
I agree

An okay story that could have been better , the turn in Lauren doesn't make sense to be honest. In the beginning it says she was happy with being a sahm, but her behavior once she is working suggests she wasn't so happy, likely resented Zach was doing well but never talked about it, but we don't know. Her behavior suggests that, have dealt with that in my own marriage with being accused of not even listening to my spouse, looking down on them, when a lot of it is frustration with things I had nothing to do with. In that light her obsession with her job and her anger when Zach points out she is ignoring her family makes sense, because her resentment all along would translate zachs complaint into being him being jealous to stop her from accepting she was over overboard.it could be she was screwing the fat slob and he was the one egging her on, but the way she still seems to think even after they are divorced that he would want to get back together tells me it was all her overbearing ego at work.

I don't think it was Zach' s fault (does Gloria Steinhem comment here, sounds like 1970s feminism, that only men can act lime assholes and a man who cheats is shit, a woman who cheats is "empowering herself" and while promoting equal rights fight to keep the divorce laws still grounded in 1950s ideas that screw men), he tried to talk to her and she blew it off and turned it into his problem. She could have compromised, but naked ambition took over.Ironically, if Zach had been the work a holic she would complain he abandoned the family and would likely use it as an excuse to cheat.....

There are flaws, teens like the boys wouldn't automatically live with the wife, a company would not hide her compensation like that, they would face criminal charges for that especially if they didn't report it and w2 and 1099 forms would have to be provided by both spouses.

fisheronefisheroneover 6 years ago
Dissolution of marriage

This shows how greed and self centered lifestyle can ruin a marriage. It's sad a mother can forget she is a mother and wife over money and success. The sad part is that she didn't need the extra money for the family and.that lured her away. This was well written and kept my interest. I think thay Lauren must have had an affair with boss for all of this to take place and she thought that in her mind she deserved the.rewards of it. She will never admit to being wrong with the failed marriage or the fighting the divorce. They both would have a lot less bills. Lauren let pride and venom ruin a lot of things around her. The reader learns that you need all financial records in hand before you file. Also things like college funds taken care of. Very good ending except maybe new wife giving him a little girl to spoil.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
More Romance than Loving Wives. Still, a nice romance.

As said by many others, the dissolution of the relationship and the marriage appeared abrupt and out of character. I was really surprised the husband did not sit down with the wife and discuss the inevitability of divorce, and how she wanted to handle that, before just announcing is was going to be done. Also surprised the husband did not have all her pay stubs or deposit slips and other evidence of her true income. And again, the boys could probably stay with whomever they wanted, either legally or by making their mom's life hell if she doesn't agree. Kids are real talented at that when they want to be.

But leaving so many aspects of the failed marriage unanswered or glossed over made it apparent this story was much more about the subsequent romance than the failed marriage. So you straddled the Romance and LW categories, giving us a decent romantic story but short changing us on the LW failures, possible adultery, thoughts of feelings of the wife as she changed from loyal loving spouse to selfish workaholic, and maybe whore. Too bad, as it is a great plot idea with good characters and setting.

Not sure what was so important about two setting and 5 characters. That made it more of a a writing exercise than a creative artwork. Anyway, thanks for the effort.

And oh, about the Cuck Fag Shit and similar robotic mindless comments. Don't let such bother you. I suspect like me most readers don't even notice those throw away comments. They have become invisible as soon as I glance at them, like many other symbols and icons and pointless words on the screen. They have no more substance than the electrons that constitute their image.

ForensicFossilForensicFossilover 6 years ago
Pretty Poor

The husband/protagonist was cardboard- no emotion. The Bonnie relationship was boring. The "story" was drenched with bristling anger towards women. Not good.

Mordant96Mordant96over 6 years ago
No ending

The story is great, but it didn’t end, it just stopped. I hope you are planning a second chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
COMMENTERS

The writer specified at the start that this was a challenge story. COMMENTERS go back and read that section you skipped as to why the story is not at the usual flavor for the writer. I did not care for it much, as written, but under the rules given it is complete and stands out from the usual garbage on this site.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Small quibble. "Bonnie harrumphed her distain. " The word is disdain

Good story but a small quibble on this word because I have seen it misspelled in other offerings by other writers.

"Bonnie harrumphed her distain."

dis·dain

disˈdān/Submit

noun

1.

the feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt.

"her upper lip curled in disdain"

synonyms: contempt, scorn, scornfulness, contemptuousness, derision, disrespect; More

verb

1.

consider to be unworthy of one's consideration.

"gamblers disdain four-horse races"

synonyms: scorn, deride, pour scorn on, regard with contempt, sneer at, sniff at, curl one's lip at, look down one's nose at, look down on; More

Mordant96Mordant96over 6 years ago
Now you have shown you can write a story with 5 characters and two locations,

Write a chapter two that finishes the story. What happened to Lauren's fat boyfriend? Bonnie is way too perfect. What if she announces now she's married she can stop dieting and balloons up to 250lbs? What if Lauren gets religion and realizes her behavior was caused by a brain tumor? Why did one son choose to go with his mother? You can fix this thing. Get to it.

likegoodwinelikegoodwineover 6 years ago
Nice to see you again!

Nice to read you again in Loving Wife, Coaster. The crowd got weirder over the last 3 years, weirder than usual I mean, so its nice to see an old timer come visit once in a while with a new story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
A nice solid story

Nice to see a story about a guy who gets back on his feet while hanging on to his integrity. No burning cars or odd uses of Superglue, none of the play PI stuff

with recorders bought at Radio Shack, or those wonderful micro cameras that capture every lascivious detail in Technicolor.

Thanks!

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Good but ex was a confusing character. She wanted to go to work which I can understand. Then she can make more but with a day added and hubby didn't stop her but said what would happen if she accepted. He was a hundred % correct and gave her a warning . She wasn't even upset about missing sons birthday dinner. She never admits fault or that he was right about what would happen after the promotion. Then she lies about income and expects him if they find out to ignore it . He set up the kids with college and was paying child support but why alimony. So the split the house profit and he gets back all the money she was with holding.and she's pissed. Also she was definitely fucking someone.

etchiboyetchiboyover 6 years ago
Unsatisfying end because....

...Because we don't know what happened to the wife while she was working. (unless you're only going by what the Zach could see, i.e. not the God's eye view). Was she truly working hard? Or was there an affair happening? Or perhaps other nefarious doings? Who knows? We just know she wasn't home very much, and she was "mean" to Zach.

And what happened about the money situation? Apparently now we know she makes more money than him (so she claims), so she should be paying alimony to Zach (and if were the court had any sympathy for Zach, make them pay with interest). Also there could have been a substantial fine by the court to discourage her lawyer from attempting such pernicious acts, and also for wasting the court's time, from doing something like that again. But we never hear about that, i.e. no justice.

Also, Zach moves out of the house? Again you show Zach as being soft on the marriage. Depending on which state this occurs, the boys were over 16, so could choose which parent to stay with anyway. And it seemed both kids were mad at mom at this point, in which case he could possibly have kept the house, since the boys would live with him. When he had the divorce papers served he should have made her leave the house anyway, or at least leave the bedroom. At the very least, Zach himself could have taken the "guest" bedroom (which everyone seems to have in the Literotica-verse), or the den or living room couch. Again, he let her roll over him with the job, and now abandons the kids to a mother that, he charges, was never at home.

And no money hire a PI to see if she is having an affaIr??? He was a friggin mechanical engineer. They had enough to have a college fund for 2 kids. He surely had some money in the bank, at least at this point (recall it was before even seeing any lawyers, so he should be able to afford) to do that? Or there was always the "literotica" stand by of spying on her himself. Either follow her around for a few days himself, or install a few electronic gadgets in her car to record where she was going and saying. No. He just files for divorce, pretty much just because she was never home, and was mean to him. He never even suspect she might be cheating??? "Roll over."

And timeline? She gets the salaried job, works more hours, and suddenly everything changed in the house and bedroom. Tell me he didn't suspect anything.

There's a couple of other nit-picky things, but basically the story just seems incomplete.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Nahhh

This story is complete. While I enjoy your writing and would never object to more, this story hits all of its marks. No need to peep in Lauren's window. She is mean enough that I'm as happy to be rid of her as Zachary is. Also, while many readers expect an outlandish, complex and wordy BTB plot, they object when an author delivers a too-perfect woman with which to reward our hero. Bonnie if fine. Let's stay out of her lingerie drawer as well. Thanks, Coaster2. 5 stars. JPR

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Good job

Enjoyed your story which was light and well written. A pleasure to read one like this occasionally. Thank you.

carvohicarvohiover 6 years ago
A five but...

Like a couple prior comments I felt something was missing, and I figured out what it was. Near the end Lauren angrily said she guessed there'd never be any reconciliation. There it was! Lauren did, or does have a story. Yes, she'd put her career ahead of family, but she didn't want to trash the marriage. I repeat, that was what was missing.

However, I was disturbed for another more important reason. This flowed so comfortably that when I reached the end I was wondering, "What? Hey I need another page." That's a pretty good sign of some fun reading, but that's what I've come to expect from you.

Thanks, great tale...

Jedd Clampett

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Pretty good...

... but I agree it would have felt more complete if we knew more about Lauren's side of things. Gave it a four.

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 6 years ago
Lauren's Side?

What, some self-serving clap-trap how it really wasn't her fault?

From the beginning, she ANGRILY dismissed his concerns.

She blows off her own son's birthday dinner.

She rapes him in the divorce by LYING about her income. Then, when he gets simple justice, she acts like HE did something wrong!

Yeah, I'm really anxious to hear how she spins THAT! Not.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveover 6 years ago
Nice

Great tale of a love lost and a love found. The ex-wife didn't physically cheat but she cheated her husband and family out of their happy life. Someone wants a sequel? Here it is: Lauren is alone and miserable. Her life consists of fucking the slob construction people and going home dirty. Eats dinner alone, watches TV alone, and misses what once was. Oh well. Cunt made her bed, now sleeps in it alone. Yeah

Five Stars

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Didn't do it for me

Zack was bland in the extreme, as he said nobody wanted to talk with him, he had nothing to say. Was he any different at home? Lauren was struggling to get some satisfaction out of life, and time away from Zack. The author chose to make her batshit vitriol to justify divorce, but it was jarringly out of character. It didn't have to be so. The marriage was on life support before her promotion...just a matter of time.

Bonnie was a simpering too, too sweet personality.

When none of the characters seem real, the story suffers

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
great tale of the cuck betrayed

a betrayed cuck is a closet cuck

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Good story Coaster

If I enjoy it I enjoy it.

Loved the ending.

Norm from SOL - forgot my password for Lit.

Richie4110Richie4110over 6 years ago
Another great story by the Master

Loved it! Loved the ending.

Thanks

KenfromIndyKenfromIndyover 6 years ago
Excellent story

Good story and challenge of limited sites successfully accomplished!

Great to see your story on here!

Please keep wrting and I will keep reading

KenfromIndyKenfromIndyover 6 years ago
Let me add to my comment

Sorry did not realize you had been writing Novel and Novellas.

I will have to read them. Thank you for continuing to share and if you branch out to epublishing please drop a note. I know many good writers have done it and put notes in there sections.

Thank you

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Fun Story

How in the world did Lauren lose it so badly? And why would she bring up reconciling if she's had some flings?

Would make for a fun addendum...

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

Martian Slut Ray....that's the only explanation.

26thNC26thNCover 4 years ago
Good one

I think he definitely traded up getting Bonnie for Lauren. A.huge upgrade.

26thNC26thNCover 4 years ago
Upgrade

He definitely traded up getting Bonnie for Lauren. A total upgrade.

arrowglassarrowglassover 4 years ago
Well done!

Really enjoyed it!

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Jesus christ

I am so sick of the lets skip a few months and hint that he got a promotion he had been turning down to keep from paying more alimony

It is NOT a cleaver plot device, it is tiresome, cumbersome, it results in losing out on what the core of your audience wants - a well detailed depiction of how the bitch had the screws put to her

Just_WordsJust_Wordsover 4 years ago
I liked it!

I've seen this sort of thing play out in real life. I've never understood the motivation; but a wife decides she has new priorities and new man interests, then off she goes. The bitchiness is due to her own internal struggle to reconcile her actions with her core values. She knows she's wrong. Still, the best revenge is living well and he got the best revenge.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
This could have been very good

but authors need to know at least the basics about the law if they write about divorce. First, if the story were life, the boys would be with the father. At their ages they can choose, and at the time of the break up there was no question who they preferred. IN ADDITION, the "best interest of the child" standard would mandate primary custody to the father it because the wife was not the primary caregiver for a year. Second, the "stonewalling" on discovery is bullshit. All that gets you is a contempt citation, the husband's legal fees awarded, and potential sanctions against the wife's lawyer. Moreover, the wife's compensation structure was known to the husband, and any decent lawyer would be asking questions about it through a deposition of the firm's management even if the husband didn't know. Finally, the cost of the divorce is greatly exaggerated. It can be more or less expensive, of course, but there is very little to fight over in a no fault divorce. The wife could make it more expensive for both of them, but for the lawyer bill to assume the proportions suggested is ridiculous.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
A lot missing/off here

The story was incomplete. A few references to her BF and no real ending. What happens when she finds out he's remarried. Also, at their ages the Boys could have chosen where to go.

Rancher46Rancher46over 3 years ago

I enjoyed the story especially how he finally got his revenge on that despicable greedy wife of his. After all of the nasty despicable things his wife did to him and the family she had the audacity to think he would ever want to reconcile with her on her final call to Zach. Well it had a happy ending at least for Zach and Bonnie. Well done Coaster2 5 stars

26thNC26thNCabout 3 years ago
Great story

Lauren turned into a classic Harrison, and he did well getting out before he killed her. Another one to enjoy again.

BlackJackSteeleBlackJackSteelealmost 3 years ago

Good job.

You achieved your goal and entertained us at the same time.

I have to admit the time warping was a little disconcerting, though.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

In what jurisdiction is any court going to give custody to a wife of 16 and 17 yo boys when the father is the primary caregiver, home far more often than the mother, and the boys prefer the father over the mother?... this scenario was written as nothing more than an unfounded antagonizing incitement to the readers... also why is the wife getting alimony when she makes as much or more than the husband... another unfounded incitement... needed far more realism and far less stupidity... 2 stars.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

This is an extremely well written story and very realistic. 5*

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

Realistic in that hes a better parent but the mother keeps the house and children. He like most men ask for half and never gets it, while woman ask for everything and more often then not gets it. Marriage is made for entitled women, only men getting married are beta morons who are out of touch with reality.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 2 years ago

Very abrupt ending. I was expecting a lot more.

WargamerWargamerover 1 year ago

Well, that ending left one wanting to know more. Very abrupt and not satisfying in any way shape or form.

Scores 2/5

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

The ex and whoever was helping her should go to jail. After all, that’s what happens to men who try to hide money.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

How fucked up was this story....slut Lauren gets custody of both boys yet she's not much of a mother by not being home, preparing meals, etc!! Surely the boys get to choose which parent they can stay with!!!

Stupid cucly husband was too lenient with slut Lauren!!

Bonnie was a forward bitch who seemed to have sympathy for the slut!!

This MC deserved better than Bonnie

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

THERE WAS NO NEED FOR BONNIE IN THIS STORY

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

It left me wanting more but was an enjoyable story. 5 stars.

AnonymousAnonymous11 months ago

Why the title, "Lauren and Bonnie"? There was never any interaction between Lauren and Bonnie. And, if you're going to write a BTB story, you probably should BTB.

kirei8kirei89 months ago

Wow, there were some fucked up anon comments listed here. I love a good BTB and this one, although not nuclear, was a very good one. His last statement to Lauren was indeed a good burn.

DazzyDDazzyD5 months ago

Honest and go forward, I enjoyed this work very much!

DD

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