All Comments on 'I Meet a very Pretty Girl'

by Swerve91

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  • 7 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Editing, speed, ? Dream state

The editing of this was poor. Please if you are going to post something for the public to read, know the difference between your and you're. Also to, too, and two are important. This story jumped around from meeting to ridiculousness so quick I can only assume in the next segment we are going to learn the narrator is dreaming.

Swerve91Swerve91over 6 years agoAuthor
Thanks for the constructive criticism

Hey your point about the editing is a note well taken. I think I get so excited to let other people read something I wrote that I don't take the time to sit with it. And no, I definitely don't use dreamlike states in my writing... way too hackneyed!

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Something Different

I like stories that are a bit weird. This certainly is! Thanks.

Old GreeboOld Greeboover 6 years ago
Weird, yes.

Weird, yes. Suggests to me that the writer is a juvenile male with somewhat un-formed (or just perverted) views about how human relationships work. It just wouldn't BE like this, not even if it were established that the characters all had serious mental issues. Stories, even the horrible ones, have to have an element of believability. This one doesn't.

Swerve91Swerve91over 6 years agoAuthor
Old Greebo

Hey,

Thank you for the comment. I appreciate feedback even more than favorites because it gives me the opportunity to hear my reader's point of view. This story definitely calls for a slight suspension of disbelief but hey, stranger things have happened!

Swerve

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Nice one

Pretty tempting proposal for a guy

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Women do not urinate from their vaginas!

For the love of god, read up on basic female anatomy. There are 3 holes; urethra, vagina, anus.

Anonymous
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