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Old Market In Autumn

byDeepAsleep©
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by Anonymous

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by jd4george10/20/04

This poem reads extremely well...

...when I ignore your line breaks. As I read it aloud on the third or fourth time, I noticed that the natural pauses never seemd to happen where the words broke, and I had to wonder why.

Look at the way the words appear on the "page"... see how there's a randomness to the white and dark? Why end a line on the word "the"? (Etc...etc...).

This poem is worth every minute you might spend in tightening!

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by flyguy6910/20/04

I agree

The line breaking seems random at times. An otherwise engaging poem, DA. I used to ride the water wheel at Old Mill to get that same sensation!

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by 10/21/04

*

I like the street talk and easy conversational tone in this along with the images you see every day. You've a very strong voice in this DeepAsleep. Great work. Enjoyed.

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