All Comments on 'My First Time'

by uticanyrick

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  • 5 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Terrible!

This is terrible, terrible writing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Could have been better

You started off just right, but finished it too quickly. I'd to see some more, just take a little more time with it.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 19 years ago
awful

this story moved too quickly, and it was hard to keep track of what was going on because you didn't use any quotation marks or breaks when people were talking, and just used "said" a million times. it all happened too fast, without much for a seduction or even foreplay.

darkstone57darkstone57about 16 years ago
not bad

i got to agree that the story went too fast, and i think that if you had been using quotes so we could be sure who was talking it would have helped.

still i liked the story in general and i think you write very well.

GrrrreatImaginationGrrrreatImaginationover 8 years ago
I liked this storyline...

It was genuine in the telling, which is sweet, and it captures some of the novelty of a first time.

You have some simple dialogue written already, but it's buried in the narration. I think could expand the dialogue just a bit, and it would be great if you put the dialogue in quotes.

The only other thing I think is sooo erotic is when the author lets the reader in on what the character is thinking/feeling. Telling us that "It felt great" is surely honest, but adding detail might make it hotter: "The feeling of her hot mouth sliding up and down my cock felt great. I couldn't believe what she was doing with her tongue."

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