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Strangely muddled. It grabbed me from the start but took an unexpected turn towards the end when the narration changed from 1st person to third. Sad and troubling, gripping never-the-less.
I don't know what to say
wow, if it isnt a song, maybe take out some of the repeated stanzas. Very strong poem.
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Strong feelings present but perhaps your strength is in writing lyrics.
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