All Comments on 'Cinnamon'

10/10

Please continue!

I have have few things to say, first you should use more word than fuck when they do it!

Second he will bite you while he mate you the first time, is sounded a little better than fuck you, that it looks like he talk to a dirty woman!

Last you could make an excuse, something like she caught a cold or something so she could spend a few more days with him in order to build more romance between them!

As you see they are only minor complains that you can very ease fix!

Aside from that you write very good for your first story, it looks like you have the knack for that!

I put only 3 instead of 4 stars because is obvious you can become very good if you read some other romantic stories for help and believe me I am a little harsh in criticism!

Other stories you may like non-human and romance Heart of stone, The Vixen, Wings of Desire and other I didn't remember!

Also sorry English not my first language!

Keep writing. Great first effort

... If you do a word search in your story, you'll find you definitely overused the word, 'fuck'. Nevertheless, I certainly enjoyed it and it's my favorite of the winter contest entries posted so far. Good Luck; hope you win.

The werewolf part of this story seemed almost as an afterthought and that is the only reason it made it in this section.

There was no "werewolf" story, except an explanation to the female.

Quick is the only word I can use to describe this story. No meat only fluff.

As for being a Christmas Non Human story... the only part of it Christmas is that they both felt loss at the holiday because of dead parents. It was just barely skimming the surface of legitimacy in either category of non-human and holiday.

Yay, they met, they got together and bumped uglies. Okay... ?

A good start, but I'd like to see you do more with a story and flesh it out a bit. Give more depth to the characters.

My previous post may have sounded a little harsh, but I'm hoping you take all suggestions and comments and learn from them.

Two Authors you could take a look at and get some insight from on style, wording and making your characters well rounded are JazCullen and Goldeniangel.

You have potential. You just need to add a bit more something and get an editor to help you.

Don't take the previous posts badly take them as constructive criticism. Good Luck!

I truly enjoyed this story. Keep writing, you'll develop your own style.

Hello all,

Thank you so much for your comments. I have read all of them, and I appreciate your sincere, honest feedback. I am definitely growing as a writer, and I know there are areas that I struggle with and need to work on.

This story was particularly difficult to write, as submissions to the winter contest are limited to stand-alone stories, so it couldn't really be a multi-chapter submission (unless that was submitted altogether, which I felt would be too much). I hope that those of you who mentioned that it felt rushed, or that the werewolf part of it felt like an afterthought, can take that into consideration when viewing the piece.

I hope to continue to write more and continue to develop my skills. Please don't hesitate to comment and let me know what you think and the ways that I can continue to improve. I'm sure I'll always have parts of my writing that can be better developed.

Best,

Bri

I'll admit, I thought the "nonhuman" was a vampire so I was surprised when it turned out to be a werewolf (don't know why vampire came to mind). I did enjoy how you eased into the story by having Emma get drunk, slipping on the ice, then getting rescued by her mate. I also liked how you told us about Emma's personality (too stubborn and drunk to realize she was drunk). I enjoyed how you used the smell of spices to define Jordan and Emma. I grinned at Emma's assumption that Jordan came into the bar with his girlfriend, rather than his sister (So true - most women would reach the same conclusion.)

That being said, I do have a few suggestions - none so major they detracted from my enjoyment of the story, but some things that are easy to fix (having an editor would help as well).

1) Paige stood in the door frame behind him, but at a look from Jordan, pulled the door closed and left.

"Jordan." The doctor said, extending his hand towards the man. I realized I'd yet to know his name.

--> Was confusing to read the name Jordan before we found out who he was.

2) ... my mom used to make this beautiful smelling concoction on the first of December. She would pop in the oven and the whole house would lift with the smell of Cinnamon.

--> missing a noun after "pop". Reads as though Mom "popped" into the oven herself..

3) Ending seemed a little rushed. From the entrance of James, the explanation of werewolves, to mating, moved rapidly. I was surprised how quickly Emma said "yes" to mating, without really think through it all - I would have thought Emma would ask to think about it overnight before answering the question. (Yet her landlord knew Emma doesn't make rash decisions - but decides to become a werewolf in a few minutes?)

BTW, you can also write a Chapter 2 - by reading the comments, I think others would appreciate it too. The additional chapters won't be part of the contest, but 'tis OK.

luv2read2

PS. Glad you decided to write this story! Yeah, I know my comment is way long :-), but want to help so I can read add'l stories from you.

This was a very good read. I liked that you used a warewolf as a non-human since so many non-human romance stories are with vampires. Like the previous reader said just watch out for some of the descriptions, but other than that I loved reading it. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

I like getting the story as viewed by the unsuspecting human rather than from the Were. I hope that you share more your writing some time soon.

I have an issue though. Recently I've seen in several stories "smirk" in what I would consider romantic or other positive situations. I think it a negative thing associated at best with teasing between friends engaging in friendly trash talk like while playing one-on-one basketball. Smirking seems out of place while making love for the first time with one's life mate, even with "boss in the bedroom" (unappealing that he forbids "little one" from enticing him in that space). A "smirk" isn't a cute smile, it's unpleasant because it doesn't express joy or satisfaction.

Why I've seen it used in "off" situations so often recently, I can't say, but word choice affects how I view a character. As protective as he is, that smirk when he first mates with Emma, fixed it so I didn't care much for Jordan.