All Comments on 'Jesse & Diana's Honeymoon'

by MgmtProf

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  • 12 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Hey Gordo

It ends with " and more " . Sorry it wasn't up to your usual sicko standards , but I liked it .

You can Bitch and Moan all you want , but this kind of storyline has its fans here in LW . Just wait and see .

I'm sure there'll be plenty of your kind of trash posted ! Fuk'n Jerk .

ReedRichardsReedRichardsover 6 years ago
So, this story is about a faithful wife . . .

And the comments are still negative!

bayernpeter1bayernpeter1over 6 years ago
Nice!!!

Keep on writing!!

kimi1990kimi1990over 6 years ago
A daisy in the swamp

You are very prolific. You write sex scenes between men and women who are married to each other. They aren't disgusting, they aren't twisted, so kudos for that. I just wish you would write a story with a plot, some dramatic tension and some character development. Try something about 15,000 words long that tells a story, not just describes a scene. Keep writing, just put a little bit more into it, please.

You have written the only things in a while that aren't someone's twisted nightmare. Thanks for that.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Work on making the relationship

seem more realistic. Take time to lay a background for it and develop the characters into real people with common needs and interests, don't just relate things to the reader, make us feel what is happening between them... more emotion... But 2 points for not copping out on their marriage

Impo_64Impo_64over 6 years ago
@kimi1990 said it loud and clear...

@kimi1990 said it loud and clear...this really is "A daisy in the swamp"! 4*

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 6 years ago
Nice

This might have been better suited in Romance. While it maybe could have been longer, I look at it as a flash story. It got an extra star just for not being cuckold.

rnebularrnebularover 6 years ago
Not too bad but PoV changes...

Aboit half way through, the narrative goes from third person to first. Sometimes that can be overlooked, but with a story as short as this one, it really stands out. I liked the dialog and the descriptions were nice as well, but you need to work on paragraph spacing too. A few of yours were way too long. Thanks for sharing and keep at it!

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
nice

All five stars for not being a B.T.B story.Hot story and hope you write again

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 6 years ago
@rnebular

I enjoyed your comment on paragraph length. Not by you, but my last story got some criticism for the paragraphs being too short!

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xover 6 years ago
@gordo12 Re: "& More"

I disagree. The "& more" means more than just the things mentioned.

If I have a category called "Sports", described as "Baseball, Football, and More," does that mean that a story about basketball doesn't fit because there's no baseball or football?

I know it's a sill example, but so is your statement!

MgmtProfMgmtProfover 6 years agoAuthor
Deal with it

I post these because cuckolding, sharing, gangbanging, and other sick shit is not an example of a loving wife. If you don’t like it, don’t read my stuff.

Anonymous
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