by Moon Glade
my first time reading your prose and i really dig it, the goalie coming into the room and fucking her immediately is such a beginning, it took a little adjusting but it's great.
love, adventurousness (spelling?), multiple partners within the logic of a loving relationship, winning stuff.
keep on keeping on
x
WHORING IS THE LIFE SHE CHOOSE,NOW HUBBY DIDN'T MAKE HER MAD.
Nice Story, but where has the husband gone will he come back on the scene? or is he done with her
When the story started there was dramatic tension with her husband, would they survive, could they put any of it behind them? Now it's just a laundry list of who, how many, what different ways. Who cares? She was a person we had a chance of rooting for because the husband was a boor. Now she's a sex machine seeking nothing in her life but the next orgasm. She no longer has a personality. Why should we care what she does? Much of the eroticism in a story derives from the surrounding circumstances. There no longer are any surrounding circumstances. I can't even suggest how to fix it. She's gone so far she doesn't even realize she had a life apart from a constant overload of sex.
. . . you, your cock, with cream.
Your story has drifted, no longer interesting, don't really care any more what she does. She's no longer a person to care about, just a gaping hole between her legs.