All Comments on 'Waking Up with a Smile!'

"I slowly move my way to your calves kneading your muscles, with just the right amount of PLEASURE. " DId you mean "pressure?"

"you quickly give up and lay there." "lie" there.

"You enjoy the feeling of my soft warm hands on your legs you bite your pillow to keep from moaning." You're missing some punctuation and/or some words there.

"I move back down your back down to your ass." You've got "back" and "down" two times each in a single short sentence. "I move down to your ass" would suffice.

If he's kissing her ass, how can he see her clit? Maybe I'm missing something.

"You feel an orgasm building just as I place my ring finger above you(R) clit." He knows this how? Unless he's a mind reader or a telepath, he can't know exactly what she's feeling all during this. She may be making a grocery list in her head for all he knows.

" You love feeling my cock pulse down your throat, switching to licking my balls." What is switching? Her throat? His cock? Makes no sense.

"You're pussy being spent and sensitive." First of all, it's "your" and second, that is not a complete sentence.

I hate this "you" format. First of all, the only people who may read and like it are straight women and second, it's irritating to be told I'm doing all these things, particularly when I find some of them - like anal sex - distasteful, so you're left with readers who are hetero women who love getting fucked in the ass. Small audience, I would think. I would either shift points of view or write it all first-person. It makes no sense the way you've done it. There's a lot of technical errors of various kinds here too. I would advise looking for an editor. These comments are meant to be helpful.

Good first effort - it can be hard to break the threshold from reading to writing stories here. As far as some of the errors mentioned by the other reviewer, yes there were some present, as happens to everyone, but I didn't find they detracted from my reading experience. I am reading to enjoy, not to mark an essay! Although if you ever want to swap editing services, I'd be happy to help out. Keep writing and don't let other people's comments (or lack thereof) detract from your enjoyment of fantasizing and posting.

A few errors as some already pointed out, but this story makes me wish my wife would let me do this to her each morning!

Your descriptions were ample to place your reader into the action & wow! What a way to awaken! Although I agree that an editor or beta reader could help, your style is wonderfully evocative. A close, long-term lover would indeed know how she would react, & I personally adore a beau who knows 'just the right amount of pleasure' to tease & seduce me.

This is a lovely, highly erotic tale & I look forward to more of your writings!