All Comments on 'Berlin - Los Angeles'

Read this poem out loud . It has nice emotional, pace and inflection shifts ...on top of being a great write. Interesting and witty.

I definitly think this is my new favorite of yours. Brilliant...and it flowed so beautifully when read and so vivid in my mind.

well, almost. A richly intriguing piece keeping time with the high standards you set for yourself. Much enjoyed the retracing of steps particularly the visual portrayl. Suits the poem. Also enjoyed the italicized moments of softness - the feminine voice in contraast to the more biting, noirish and masculine voice toward the end. Supurb. Should I expect any less? :D

What is interesting, I have never been to Berlin but I have a dear friend from the city, and somehow I got the same feel from this poem as I get from his writing about the city. I loved this Lauren-- how I could get the sense, not only of what you were writing about, but of your feel while you were in the process of writing. Multi dimensional. cheers

a bit entropic toward the end i thought, but it gets my 4 for high language and skill

Quite simply put: CRAP

Let me say anonymous in the USA is a jerk. This poem grabbed me and held me the entire time, it was magnificent. Very untraditional and so powerful, you did an astounding job and my hat's off to you!

"I'll eat your lips until they bleed." Just blows me away. ~Imp

berlin~

lost angels~

I ate up everyword and I'm still hungry~

liked the bowie knife part~

<grin>

Loved this Lauren... it made me feel. I love Berlin (though I haven't been there yet!) Thanks!

"if only"'s. It was hard for me to pick what I liked best here, so untraditional and so expressive. I love the crossed out line, thinking of how I find myself leaving something on the counter and returning...but this:

Even so, if only I had ordered my own drink,

if only I had steered the conversation back to the strum of the bass,

if only I had smiled and said goodnight instead of ever noticing the exact shade of light the rising sun makes against the ceiling of a 3rd floor in Friedrichstraβe,

if only,

...this is a wonderful passage. So very real.

I see we have old nasty-guts called "Anonymous" giving his (or her) un-called for opinion again. If a poem is crap, don't read it. And if you think it is then keep your nasty remarks for your nasty little self in your nasty little mind. And for goodness' sake keep away from Literotica, "Anonymous"! We don't need you here!

I don't look at poetry that often and can see what I'm missing out on. Talk about "less is more!" Bravo!

is fascinating and intelligent, but this one part totally captured me: "I ought to have gone back to the corner bakery and to another strawberry pie, and miss the 10:05 train,"

I've had that same thought before--without the strawberry pie and 10:05 train, but the same, nonetheless.

You took the first line

"Quickened pace betrays my careful plans"

and just ran with it, some sheer moments of genius

some lines I don't understand.

***

Perhaps anonoass would like to explain his opinion, I set up a thread for such things.

...and a clarification.

I think everyone is entitled to his or her opinion and to express it freely while remaining anonymous. By allowing public comments I was indeed asking for those opinions: all of them, and not only the positive ones.

I'm also aware that most readers at Literotica are the anonymous who remain silent and don't vote, so I would like to make clear that I do not subscribe to the position that they should keep away.

That being said, I also reserve the right to dismiss the opinion of anyone, anonymous or not, who simply says "crap" without articulating a single discernible reason for it. They don't bother me one way or the other, but I have more important things to think of.

Thank you all again.

You're still a genius. In fact, you're even more of one now if that's possible. I try every day not to hate you. ;)

The combination of prose and poetry here is stunning. It's a new direction for your voice that started with Stylization and I love it.

The juxtapositioning of precise minutes fixed in time against a large geographical landscape (including "any city") adds a beautiful eeriness to this lovely piece.

I look forward to becoming more familiar with your work.

On my quest to read and comment all of the challenge poems, I came upon this. I distinctly recall reading it before and not commenting on it. This time, I read it, shivered as my brain stretched, read the comments on it (even without yours, I wish I could have as many people comment on my work as they have on yours--if but for no other reason than the honesty)and then returned to it.

I'm not poetic enough to tell you how this poem moved me. Dendrites stretch and grew reading this the second and the third time. I honestly wish I had the words. I simply do not. It's just that good to me.

'If only', If only...

It made me want someone so bad but was out of reach.

It made me wanting...

Beautiful, just beautiful,

O

but it works so well. I'm tough to pull in, and you got me, solidly, by the third line. Nice write!

This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 36,500 poems.

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exorcising for the mind. TK U MLJ LV NV