All Comments on 'Family Business Pt. 01: Potluck'

by RailroadTare

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  • 18 Comments
UTBNBUKUTBNBUKover 6 years ago
Great story !

Enjoyed the read, loved all the characters and the interactions. I like how they are comfortable with each other and not grossed out at their fantasies and desires e.g. the piss play and anal play.

Interesting the thing you seem to have about British classic cars, being American. Also the reference to "Grundys" here in the UK we also call underpants "Grundies" but this relates to a TV presenter Bill Grundy and rhyming slang , Undies = Grundies.

Keep on writing I can't wait to hear of the future adventures and experiments of this beautiful gang of young folk. Well done.

ManoBlueManoBlueover 6 years ago
Corny

The narrative was weak and the brother thoughts and the way he acted was corny.

rightbankrightbankover 6 years ago
No thanks

No romance, no respect, no relationship, no passion.

More like a porno highlight reel.

txcrackertxcrackerover 6 years ago
I liked it!

Enough said !

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Mmmmmm

Quite liked the story, but I did the first time, because I am pretty sure that I've read it before!

Turtle1952Turtle1952over 6 years ago
Yes please

Bloody hot so far, I am really liking where this is going. Keep writing please

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Good

Keep going. I like all of that funny.

Mark737Mark737over 6 years ago
Doing just fine until...

The story was doing just fine until the water sports. You lost me there.

AlwaystabooAlwaystabooover 6 years ago
Beautiful story of love

All brothers and sisters should invite a friend for an uninhibited love affair.

prop69prop69over 6 years ago
AWESOME except for the golden shower

Can't wait for the next chapter.

Hurry and keep going

plumberdonplumberdonover 6 years ago
Loved it

What a cute and sexy tale. great descriptions, There has to be a second to this Lovely Piece of work. Yummmmmmmmmmmmmmy

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Enjoyed

I really liked your story thanks hope you write more.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Great first chapter looking forward to more.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Great story

Not just a great story but easy to read. Either you write well or have a good editor, no confusing words or strange sentences. I saw one name confusion but that was all. Can't wait for the next installment!

prop69prop69over 6 years ago
AWESOME loving every fuck

Too bad Cindy didn't get to fuck Tom.

Can't wait for the next chapter.

4 hot teenies..what could be better

goducks1goducks1about 6 years ago
great story

love it. keep on writing!!!!

DanLansdowneDanLansdowneabout 6 years ago
When is it set?

I know they're in an upper middle class neighbourhood, but I suspect Triumphs and Ramblers are a bit more senior than the average teenager's first car.

Loving where this story's going!

ScottishTexanScottishTexanalmost 3 years ago

Since I'm from Texas, I'm naturally loving this story. I've never lived in the Dallas area, but I'm intimately familiar with it due to my line of work. What with all of the settings for Love Field, University Park and all, I'm shocked that you didn't have teenagers going on a date to Medieval Times...but it's an idea for a future chapter. I like Rudy's barbecue a lot, but it isn't my favorite. Almost everyone in Texas should know about it since they have locations in the three largest Texas cities. As for Jim Parsons aka Sheldon Cooper, I live less than three miles from the High School that he attended in real life.

I'm hooked on your story because I'm working on one of my own featuring the Brother/Sister/BFF Triad theme. The main reason I gave 4 stars instead of 5 was the watersports portion. Watching each other pee and the girl's curiosity about holding and aiming was good. I dated a Hispanic girl who did those things with me for real. But it crossed the line with peeing on the face and in the mouth. Honestly, I went fast forward past those paragraphs. And trust me, there were several times that I was ready to quit reading altogether in some of the rimming and anal because I thought that you might be heading down the scat path next. I'm really glad that you didn't go there. If you wanted to have Tom taste pee, you might have been able to have him eat one of the girls after she returned from the restroom and taste a hint of what the paper missed during the wipe.

Bottom line and straight to the point, don't try to service every single fetish audience in a single story. Write a separate story about each one that you want to cover so that others like myself enjoy everything about it and don't lose interest when you cross a subject that turns them off. Otherwise, great job and I look forward to seeing more.

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