All Comments on 'You. Owe. Me. Ch. 01'

by rj228212

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  • 94 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Great

Great start... waiting for more.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Waiting for No2

Great story keep going.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
great

I thought it was great am waiting for part 2

bubba691bubba691over 19 years ago
Great first submission

excellent work. First time I've given a story a 5

sacksackover 19 years ago
doesn't feel like a first story....

reads like a seasoned professional! Good for you!

sacksackover 19 years ago
meant to put "100"....

was doing the whole thing too fast!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
good details

I thought it was a bit long in some details but overall it was a great piece. It was very realistic to me.

tinman69stinman69sover 19 years ago
Great story!

For a first time effort, this was great! And I am now waiting for the next chapter! I could really get into a step-sister like her!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Great story

First time I've rated... Exactly describes my fantasy!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Great Start

It was a great start and I look forward to reading the continuing tale. There has to be more of this story!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Hot and hopefully getting hotter

Loved it and look forward to further episodes of Chris and Laura. Must say, it brings back some memories ...

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Beautiful story

This story made me long to be (or to have been) Chris with such a step-sister. Beautifully written, I thought, and arousing in spades. Maybe your first erotic story, but certainly not your first writing. Don't stop.

Please write more about these two.

Just a hint: check the difference between your and you're; and between there and their; things spellcheck won't catch

sailorm72003sailorm72003over 19 years ago
Well Done

Very well done, and a very arousing story. This may be your first erotica, but I hope not your last :)

Sailor

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Very hot indeed

As everyone else has said, this is marvellous, and reads very well: natural and fresh, conveying the intensity and her sweetness. The next part will be eagerly lapped up.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
More...More!!!

The subject says it all!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Formulaic....

......."E" for effort...... gratuitous praise...fatuous flattery ......go ahead..write more .....stuff...

jakkjakkover 19 years ago
5 of 5

well done great start keep up the good work hope to read more of this soon. "jakk"

epiphany65epiphany65over 19 years ago
Very good

This may be your first attempt at erotica, but I doubt it's your first at creative writing. You're definately talented. I'll be looking forward to reading more of your submissions.

wolfarmywolfarmyover 19 years ago
Excellent 1st step!

Well written and most important, it was very believeable. You must continue the new siblings relationship "all the way" to completion!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
What an erotic, tranquil story

This story was such a change of pace! It caught the appropriate mood of the participants in a snapshot of youth. The grammar was good and it was a very easy read.

Please continue to write in this manner. I find it very pleasant in style and erotic in content.

Thank you.

Rider8x5Rider8x5over 19 years ago
I'm impressed

Hell of an effort for "1st time", quite believable and very readable. You have a talent for story telling, keep up the fine work.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
5 out of 5

Desperate for chapter two! Please hurry.

Just_1_ManJust_1_Manover 19 years ago
Wonderful Story

This is a wonderful start. Your story really conveys the close relationship and natural curiosity of young siblngs. Please continue.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Love it

Gotta have chapter 2 ..... this is probably the best story yet i have read....they are of age....not bloodline....and not perverted.... just learning the birds and the bees their own way....now get to writing chapter 2...LOL....thank you :)

rj228212rj228212over 19 years agoAuthor
The Story Continues...

Chapter 2 has been submitted. Chapters 3 and 4 are in the works.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Doing great so far...keep it coming!

As someone else said, this may be your first attempt at this type of work, but it cannot possibly be your first attempt at creative writing. This looks to be a great start to a really terrific piece of work..please continue it soon!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Great Stuff!

It had everything. There is something erotic about innocent naive virgin, curiously exploring the unknown, that makes for a great story. The connection between them and growth of their relationship was well written.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Vweeee!

Wowies! That ruled! And you say you've never written erotica before? *phew!*

I really liked the fast pace, too. I grow tired of stories that drag on and on, and assault you with needless details. But this was a fine tapestry. Rock on!

Good Job! ^.^

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Very Good

I enjoyed it alot. More than a slew of dirty words but it didnt drag on for 20 pages before anythin happened either. Especialy the openeing sentance that immediatly let you have an idea... however... Guy mentions having just his videogames and has sexy brunette sister named Laura... well. Waiting on chapter 2!

biway88biway88over 19 years ago
Exciting

This story was hot and sexy. I can't wait to read chapter 2

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
good story

great story. hope to read more of your work in the near future.

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
very hot and horny

what a great start to the series.... i can't wait for the next chapters

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Not incest, just taboo

Another author sits on the fence and opts for the "step-relative" story. Sheesh. It is undoubtably good, but not incest. Legally, incest needs them to be blood relatives. Therefore this is a taboo story.

adrian-nadrian-nover 19 years ago
excellent. ignore weird nit-pickers.

I liked that a lot. figured I'd comment, as youasked for it.

I read a comment above claiming this was taboo and not incest; well, frankly, sounds like someone's getting caught up on facts and might use their own imagination a little more. Maybe this is a comment to the literotica community in general, but, well, this is where i thought of it. The important thing for me in an erotic story is the mood, the relationships, not the exact legal nature of the events. Haven't you read a story with a blond that you imagined to be a brunette? Haven't you ever ignored some line that you thought was stupid or unarousing, or even just badly phrased? The reader is never to be idle in reading, and if you're reading erotica, doubly so. Let me spell this out: if you want a couple to be blood-siblings, or younger, or older, or tanner, or skinnier, more demure, less passive, &c, then imagine it! Cheesy catch phrase: You Make It Happen!

Thanks for a great story, and please do continue writing erotica! (I'm bookmarking you.)

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
keep going

great story line

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
great stuff

Can't believe this is your first attempt, I look forward to the next.

StarSpeckledStarSpeckledover 19 years ago
Awesome

Great work!! Like someone else said... of age, not of blood relation... and fast paced. Keep writing!

AnonymousAnonymousover 19 years ago
Fantastic

Fantastic first story. I can't wait to read tne next edition!!!

xavi2871xavi2871over 19 years ago
Very Good

I love your style. Very natural, nothing seemed forced to me or contrived like so many of stories. Both Chris and Laura are very likable and I think you do a very good job of keeping your sex ambiguous. Can't wait to read more. Oh by the way very erotic in more than a few spots, not one dull moment and did not skim once. You're a good writer.

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
great

great especially for a first try. Im new to the site but i've read many of the stories and i have to say that was one of the best that i've read

AnonymousAnonymousover 18 years ago
Excellent!

One of the best stories I've read on this site, and I've been through a lot! Keep up the excellent work!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
A new and fresh approach

This is really fresh approach at handling this oft-repeated plot. A ingenius mix of restraint and plowing-on in the style and approach for the story

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
don't worry about them

People are over thinking the subject......It's a good story and ultimitly that's all that matters.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 18 years ago
Very good story.

I liked it.

Thanks

AnonymousAnonymousabout 17 years ago
great!

really great story, i enjoyed it a lot. good job!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Rarely...

...do I give out top marks. It takes something special.

I appreciate that there were no noticeable grammatical or spelling errors. The story flowed well. Everything about it was well done. I look forward to reading the rest of your stories.

Hot, sexy, and just a little kinky. Well done.

Cousin-BarbCousin-Barbover 16 years ago
Definitely the best treatment of this particular -

plot that I have read--

SorchakSorchakover 16 years ago
Excellent

first time submission. I've read several hundred of these stories over the last three years, and this is one of the best I've read so far. Nothing turns me off more than a poorly written story, with bad spelling and grammar, no matter how hot the subject. You.Owe.Me. isn't one of those stories. It flows well, and your characters are believable. I look forward to reading the remainder of the story, and keep up the good work.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Wow !!!

Wishing for a sister like you would fulfill the fantasy that I as never able to have.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
English is innate in you

Dang ,it's really great dude . You are better than some others , and you're only a first timer . Keep it up !

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Great Start

Good plot, story and imagination even though there are some spelling mistakes such as "their" instead of "there" or "you're" (you are) instead of "your", which can be somewhat off putting and for some weird reason most Americans seem to make. Other than that it is a good start and I will carry on reading the rest of the episodes in series.

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
nice

nice story

SPEN STERLINGSPEN STERLINGover 14 years ago
Great

Enjoyed the story, very hot!

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Good for a first timer

This was a really good read and a good plot. You get my vote. You're better than a lot of other writers which is very good for a first try. Well done. I look forward to more storys by you. I'll have to look out.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Brilliant

This was superbly done, it wasnt exagerated (i'm aware i mispelled that) and was very beleivable for me.

Excellent work

jdbakejdbakeabout 14 years ago
Loved it.

I really enjoyed this and hope that the rest of the series is as good.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago

wow. this is incredibly hot and i lost myself in the story almost immediately.wow. this is incredibly hot and i lost myself in the story almost immediately.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 14 years ago
wow

very good. i just stayed up all night reading all of them. i just couldnt stop. i hope you write more stories.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Great!!

You did an amazing job and I plan on reading all installments! I can't believe this is your first erotic fiction post since you certainly are talented... <3

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Talent

Please continue to write - you have great talent and paint vividly clear word pictures!

Naughty_MistyNaughty_Mistyover 13 years ago

Wow, that was a fantastic story and I can't wait to read the others!

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Brilliant

Really good stuff. i'll definitely be reading more

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Oh Yeah

Well, well, well,what a nice surprise lokking forward to the rest

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Awesome

Best written I have seen yet, keep 'em coming. ( no pun intended )

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Fantastic - but FaceBook?! LOL

Really an excellent story, thank you and please continue to write and contribute!

I laughed and laughed when I saw the FaceBook "Like" button - OMG, if I posted a like to this on my page?! TMI for the fan-damily and friends!

Again, GREAT writing, thank you very much!

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago

I came

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago

Excellent! I came too.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago

I would recommend sticking in some more description on the characters as it is hard to build up a mental image of either of them. I've read the first page and there was some on the female and also description of the male's body but nothing else. I'm not asking for an opening paragraph of description, just more description blended in.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
GJ

Outstanding for a first at this, you obviously did your homework. tehe

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago
LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love this story so much!!!!!!!!!!! U are my new favorite author!!!!!!!!!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 13 years ago

make sure you pay close attention to your pronouns and names. it cxan get confusing when you mix them up, but other than that it was amazing.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
seriously?

21 yrs old? They act and speak like 15 yr olds.

ES003ES003over 12 years ago
Very good

I have read most of your stories and this one I loved. It seemed real.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Illustrations?

Are there not supposed to be illustrations?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Awesome!

I really loved this. Although, I do think they speak as if they were a bit younger.

Now I'm off the read the next chapter!

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Needed a surprise ending to the climax.

This was missing a"closing for the mood. She probably should have taken him slowly in her mouth and cleaned him up a bit.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Lovely

My brother and I love this story. Thank you for it. I can hardly wait for him to get come home with our/his young girl friend. We share.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Very hot !

Made me jerk off right away

twitcher66twitcher66almost 8 years ago
Mmmm lovely..

Mmmm lovely...wish I had a sister like Laura....now 70 but really enjoyed the story. Had a nice wank myself. Pleae dont think it wrong...me being 70 and enjoying erotica..Johnxx

prop69prop69over 7 years ago
awesome..one of the best

My cock is still hard

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
EXCELLENT START

CONGRATULATIONS. THIS IS A VERY GOOD EFFORT FOR A FIRST START. You may want to include more descriptions of both the girl and the boy. I definitely want to know more about their relationship as it develops. Thanks for sharing.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
My, my!

Your grammar, syntax, tense, etc. are perfect, as near as I can tell. That separates you from the stories where errors are glaring; they cause a stall in the fictive dream.

Oh! And the story is first rate! Keep going.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago

I enjoyed the read, but I'm confused about their age. They act like young teenagers, but I'm told they are supposed to be 21/22?

"Just recently learned how to masturbate from a friend" and she is supposed to be 21? nah, more like 14.

Their curiosity and how excited they are to be doing this, doesn't match their age at all.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
WARNING Story was never finished!

This is a very good story, but it was never finished and the account hasn't been updated in 7 years.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 3 years ago
Excellent start

Very good writing thanks. Good flow and erotic description. I love the situation.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Zzzz...zzzzz

zornslemmazornslemmaabout 2 years ago

For your first story, you've written with great polish, obviously a natural talent. Tender, erotic, expressive, especially the innocent sensuality of the girl experiencing her first time. Nice job!

MADDOGINTEXASMADDOGINTEXASalmost 2 years ago

Very, very nice story...excellent start to your writing career!! Nice and erotic, got emotional; sister and brother obviously care about each other, Laura has been thinking about him...

Laura's 'inexperience' is not necessarily surprising...some girls just hold off, thru training, raising, whatever; and lots of them learn about masturbation from their girlfriends!

**5** Stars...for a most-excellent start...Let's see how the other chapters pan out!

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

For your first few writing top 1

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

i love the detail u put into it this has inspired me too make on of my own thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Really made me hard! Mmm!

GentlyIntenseGentlyIntense4 months ago

I enjoyed it. Well written and very erotic.

AnonymousAnonymous4 months ago

Really good! The usual lie lay mistakes were not bad. Only "she laid on the bed" should have been "she lay on the bed" Also why didn't he at least get his hand on her pussy?

AnonymousAnonymous3 months ago

This may be the best Literotica story I've ever read. Of course, just like every other, you've put "step" in front of th4eir brother and sister hood. Has anyone noticed that the title of the genre is incest/ taboo. If incest creeps you out, why are you writing in this category? Some of us grew up with very hot siblings and wanted to fuck them. We can identify with them and they stories. So rj228212 it looks like you understand my thoughts. Please write more!

Anonymous
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