All Comments on 'Off The Wall'

Very nice !!!

I knew this story was going to be well written as soon as I read the line I've pasted above. I was hoping Izaak would get involved too, but that was my fantasy, not yours. You paint lovely pictures, please continue to write for us.

that when there is a boudoir photo story, there will be some shenanigans. I liked this story because it was not over the top. Sarah enjoyed some necking with another woman. Not another man. She also did not do so much as to cause damage to her marriage. She knew that she had to proceed carefully and present the second book in an environment of her advantage. She will reveal everything to her hubby. Kudos, no cheating and she did not make out with the photographer. A totally believable and fun story.

I appreciated the restrained nature of the story. It was not "off the wall", rather it was restrained and realistic in its plot. I am hoping there will be chapter 2 (and 3,4, and more). She has two books to present to her husband, each separately, so you can explore Ben's reaction to each book. A return to the photographer for more photos, seems in order, perhaps with Ben this time , or another session with Celia or Izaak or any combination, perhaps leading to another male model. Given the restrained nature of the initial story, the build can be slow (and thus intense) as all of the characters are changed by their actions, and their actions take them places they didn't expect to find themselves.

More please.

Well thought out... and well played.

The girl-girl action lacked a wee bit resolution in the description. Not quite detailed enough. The lead up to that part was detail oriented, then the actual action fell short. Next time you might want to chat with a woman who has had a girl-girl affair and ask her what she did, what she felt, what she noticed, what was important to her at various times, etc. If you have, yourself, you did not capture those feelings and translate them into the story as well as you might have.

I got the feeling the first 2/3 of the story was edited properly and the last part was rushed.

Great potential! I suggest that you get two, three pairs of eyes on the next one before releasing. Interview someone, even by phone. I write elsewhere and everybody has different ways of describing the same actions. You don't need to use their words, but often they provide a good starting point.

Paragraph length. Most were short. When you got into the meat of the story, the girl on girl description, a few of your paragraphs were painfully long.

Thanks, everyone, for your valuable feedback! I am quite astounded that anyone paid it any mind considering I wasn't the one who posted it. My loving husband posted it for me. I've never written anything like this and he begged me to write him a story. This is what came of an hour of writing. That was YEARS ago. I haven't even looked at it since I wrote it. So I am quite sure there are mistakes, slow points, even rushed points. Maybe I'll try again sometime.

The purpose of the story was to build anticipation and explore a world that was quite different than the one we live. And for Sarah, that world was a fantasy that became a reality without trespassing too far into a world that would require her to give up what she has and cherishes.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I appreciate the feedback. Thanks, again.

I was always curious when a lady called and asked if I took "those" photographs. Sometimes I had to take a real deep breath when they came out of the dressing room. It appears this fellow had a good reputation. Wish it had been me doing the photos. As others have said it appears the story got rushed part way through but otherwise we'll done.

The seduction came too quickly for a woman who was so reluctant even to be photographed. It needed more of a build up as to how she could yield to celia.