All Comments on 'Late Valentine Ch. 01'

Delightful tale, please write parts two and onward. I really want to attend the dinner and meet Rob's sister

What a beautiful story.I do hope there is more to come of these two.Lovely writing.Thank you very much !!

A great story. Well written and a joy to read. I expect to read everything you have written in a very short time.

j.

Just discovered your stories. Please keep writing!!

The most sensual story I've read on here. Beautifully written with believable characters and wonderful use of language.

FiveWolves said it all. This is a lovely story!

Loved the story, the style, the sensuousness, the choice of words and the emotions described... Gave you well deserved 5-Stars and an add as a Favorite Author!! Keep on writing... we need good writers.

5 Stars, Deserves More. New Favorite Story and Author. Please write the follow on ! I am now setting up to read everything you have posted. Amazing, not a single error that I noticed and I do Notice them - even in Published books with professional editing. Details; This story had excitation, lust, love, strong feelings, light character details and everything else yet was not overly wordy. Truly a work of art.

That was amazing! I'll go read your other stories when I recover!

That was such a beautiful story. It was just perfect. I could feel everything Elizabeth did (I have a very fertile imagination!), hear, see, smell, taste. It was so wonder filled, that love could and does sometimes hit you that hard and that strongly. Love at first sight isn't just a silly phrase that is bandied about by card writers and movies. It has eight and feeling and can be very intense. My hubby and I can honestly say that we fell in love at once. Lovely, lovely story! Please keep writing!!!

Quite the most believable story, full of real warmth and a romance between 2 people who had gone through life until then missing out on the feeling of love that really does occur from a chance encounter. I know, I was lucky to meet my late wife this way and sadly it only happens once in a lifetime.

I am looking forward to the story of this relationship looming into a life of love and mutual pleasure.

I love the attention to all the fine details of how it feels to be with someone, all the description of the many sensations all over your body as you progress through sex. Keep up the great work!

Congrats on 2nd Prize in the 2018 Valentine's Day Contest. In my reading world, it certainly deserves 1st place since the winning entry was in a Gay Male Category, not my preference in reading arena. Just outstanding, mega kudos!!

Just a lovely story!

I love women and I love to cede control to my lover-woman. She just happens to want to give and receive pleasure too. Lucky us! By page 3 of your story it makes me want to give it a go too and write a story based on lovingly and unquestionably alternating the ceding and taking of control. Inspiring!

I’ve been reading Literotica for well over 10 years and this was the most intimate, detailed, and beautiful description of serendipitous lust and love I think I’ve ever read on this site. I’ve never commented before, but felt compelled to congratulate you on winning 2nd Place in the Valentines Day contest, although you deserve 1st Place in my eyes. I also should mention this story reminds me of a “fling” I had with an Irishman who was visiting the states on a business trip back when I was 23 and he was 37. Thank you for sparking so many fond memories that I have long forgotten.

Congratulations on your win with this gorgeous story! It is magnificent—romantic, warm, so tense with delicious lust and love, and an excellent portrayal of what true consent and respect look like between partners, even those who have just met. Their enthusiastic yeses are so sexy! This was such a pleasure to read. May we all have the good fortune of experiencing such an encounter as these two.

A rich and fully textured description of every nuance. A beautifully told story.

To much tense jumping.

1 of MANY examples-- I suck in my breath, assaulted by images of what she looks like in the water, and she gives me one of those laughs.

Either 'sucked' or reword the second phrase in the sentence so it's 'assault' and not 'assaulted' so it matches the present tense action you're looking for. You do this all over, very few of the times correctly. If your characters are acting in the present moment, then no past tense phrases, while if they are recalling while in the present, you can use past tense.

But 'assaulted' is a passive verb; 'I am assaulted by...', and then she's left out the 'I am' to make the sentence flow more easily.

I'm not normally drawn to this category, and I've never commented before, but the first paragraph drew me in, and the rest of the story didn't let it down.

I wish I could write this well.

You wouldn't say 'I am assaulted by' you would say, "I am being assaulted,' to show something that happened in the past and is continuing in the present. This story is written in present tense.

If anything, assaulted is being used in the imperfect tense, with a past action continuing into the present, but the equivalent of imperfect in English is 'was assaulted'.

Passive verbs still match. Therefore, her use of assaulted is wrong.

'I suck my breath, having been assaulted,' or 'I suck my my as images ... assault me' ... but assaulted and other uses through the story are wrong.

English is hard.

I am surprised by how wrong you are.

I could have said ‘I am being surprised by how wrong you are’, but using a double verb changes the emphasis of the sentence to the act of it happening instead of its effect on me.

‘Assaulted’ here is essentially an adjective, as in 'I write this explanation, unhappy that it's needed'. If 'assaulted' is a verb the subject of the sentence (‘I’) is doing the assaulting, and needs an object to assault.

I accept that ‘being assaulted’ would have been a better way to put it in my first comment.

I hope you accept that ‘being assaulted’ or ‘having been assaulted’ would be correct, and I further hope that you can see that leaving out ‘being/having been’ does not change the sense of the sentence.

English is a subtle, complicated language – as are others – and this is really a question of writing style; to attack this piece on the basis of an imperfect understanding of the rules of grammar is a little unfair.

Finally, I’d like to apologise to Sara2000Z for hijacking her fine story with this petty squabbling.

I’m out.

She is looking for the present perfect tense, but she still messed up and does so several times throughout, while other times she does not. You can say good job, but you also want to add that 'but' to help make her next writing smoother.

There is a way to turn a past tense verb into an adjective and then there is just a mess.

Like this sentence:

Taking his cock in my hands I'm REMINDED how big he is.

Reminded/assaulted is not the state she is in, but an action that is being done to to them, one by images and the other by taking a cock in hand.

You wouldn't say: The phone is ringing, so I put my hand on it and picked it up.

The action of this story is taking place in the present tense, so she isn't REMINDED. 'It reminds her of how big he is.' It's simple, lineup your tenses or it's a mistake.

This is extremely well written - descriptive and nuanced. Thank you

You’ve written the best story I’ve ever read on Literotica. I don’t know how you manage to write like that, but don’t ever stop. I’m taking notes and waiting for your next piece. Thank you for sharing this.

I seldom read a story over 3 pages long,, they loose my interest. Not this one, rapt attention to the last word. Excellently done. Now to look for more of your stories.

Wow! Outstanding!

Please please please I'm begging you to add another part to this. I enjoyed this so much

It's erotic. It's compelling. It's art. Pure and simple, it is art. I am overwhelmed by the richness of emotion. I am in awe of how you write so soulfully as the woman yet transition effortlessly to the man's point of view.

I give you the Grand Prize. Congratulations!

R.

A true page-turner, so to speak! Your story is exciting, compelling and hellishly erotic. Please, please add more chapters

That was flipping amazing

You have crafted a beautiful, erotic, and very engaging story. I hope you will follow it up with another chapter, extending the weekend.

You hit the nail on the head with this one. Please extend the weekend to chapter 2

Especially impressed at how artfully you shifted character voices

without it being confusing!

I really-really want the sister interrogation scene!

And are you able to introduce me to his sister? :+))

Thanks...It's lovely!

King Cuddle

Amazing story, you absolutely have to write more chapters!

I absolutely love this story and the amount of attention to detail that goes into it!

A realistic rendering of a relationship, with two well rounded characters. The dialogue conveys the subtle interaction of two people negotiating a sexual liaison. Switching the voices back and forth between the two lovers makes the story seem more intimate. The reader experiences the unfolding of the tale from both viewpoints. The detailed description of the lovemaking, and the characters' emotions during it, was beautifully done.

Minor quibbles: The lovers talk about 'lying' their clothes on the bed. One LAYS something on the bed and then he LIES on the bed. Elizabeth says, in the store, that she was going to buy something or another 'anyways' : low class English. She should have said 'anyway'.

Your worldly sophistication is SUCH a bonus! :+))

More, please. Much more!

Sara, you have nailed it (pun intended). Fabulous detail, terrific buildup, nice twists. My heart is pounding, and all I have been doing is reading. Amazing story. You have outdone yourself.

Keep them coming.

There are really good stories here in Literotica: interesting, gripping, arousing, thought-provoking... But most of them are still a bit on the childish, cheesy side. Just a handful of writers separate themselves from the good ones, leaving a lasting impression with their works. You are one of them Sara. Some of the best shine with their storytelling; some with their plot. Your strength is expressing the dynamics, the intimacy and the emotions of falling in love and making love in a complete, decent, touching and heart-lifting way. It's absolutely poetic. Thank you.

Great imagery, character development, and story line. Hope you decide to add on and make it a series.

Truly enjoyed this story.

That was truly incredibly written. I loved it. Especially the development of their relationship (even if it’s not usually like that in real life), it was adorable and I enjoyed it.

Wonderful writing, especially the foreplay. Really the whole story ends up as foreplay. Very smooth writing too, great flow.

Superbly written, wonderful characters, scenes and pace, worthy of extending and acquainting with the characters around them as their relationship commits and completes.

Sara, I really like the way you help your characters rush into intimacy and the natural way they find out about each other. Sex scenes are good because they feature how they feel more than the mechanics. One suggestion: Take a look at how they move around during lovemaking. Sometimes it's a bit puzzling. Simpler?

Another fine one.

Very well done. Believable. Enjoyable. Congratulations and thank you for a wonderful moment.

I wish I had read this sooner so I could have read more of the story.

Fantastic, I am looking forward to Chapter 2!

Exquisite detail, from the opening moments in the sweater store right through to the (worth waiting for) hot sex. You really capture the essence of attraction. You also capture the way men can be sexy and fuck hard while fully respecting and empowering women. Thank you!

overall very well written, but if she is american should she say knickers or should the words 'colour' and 'manoeuver' not be spelled the american way as 'color' and 'maneuver'? among other language differences. she might speak more like a local, if it was said she lived there and wasn't just visiting on business. minor thing, but it helps with maintaining character.

Romance is not my genre, but I'm glad I chose to read your story. I may be adding your name to my list of favorites. Five stars.

But how can us ordinary folks live up to that?

I loved it! Favorite story and author! Can’t wait to search for chapter 2 💖 I adore the characters and looking forward to what’s next .....

Absolutely a masterpiece!

This was rather beautiful <3