Told in the third person aspect it leaves out the more interesting dialogue, emotional feelings, and description of how their relationship develops. It could almost be a "what I did for summer" report, though this story would never get by a teacher's moral code.
At it's most basic, it's a boy is setup with girl, and has a one night stand...which is probably all the girl was looking for. The ending leaves me with that impression anyway.
Keep writing! Try to add what the main character thinks, etc.
by
Anonymous06/02/07
So Good!
That was so good! It felt like I was right in the room with them. I also liked the beginning where I got to know a little about the characters. It's much more enjoyable that way. Great job! Keep up the good work!
English
A very nice story
Told in the third person aspect it leaves out the more interesting dialogue, emotional feelings, and description of how their relationship develops. It could almost be a "what I did for summer" report, though this story would never get by a teacher's moral code.
At it's most basic, it's a boy is setup with girl, and has a one night stand...which is probably all the girl was looking for. The ending leaves me with that impression anyway.
Good Story
Keep writing! Try to add what the main character thinks, etc.
So Good!
That was so good! It felt like I was right in the room with them. I also liked the beginning where I got to know a little about the characters. It's much more enjoyable that way. Great job! Keep up the good work!
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