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Wave of Anguish

bytungtied2u©
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by Anonymous

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by elbiscayne12/28/04

thoughts

my head is not wired to imagine this event on its own. definite food for thought. thanks.

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by Reltne12/28/04

Too soon?

I have been wondering who would start the probable tsunami of tidal wave poems.
You have some good lines, but it feels like you rushed it, for there are a lot of tired phrases too.

I don't like the double use of "like" in the first two lines of the last stanza. "Driftwood" is commonly considered "flotsam and jetsam" (even though technically it can only be flotsam, and then only if it is ship remains).
Instead of:
"like so much flotsam and jetsam
to be gathered like driftwood"

you might go with something like:
"like so much flotsam and jetsam'
driftwood to be gathered"

I also find it disconcerting to read a poem that starts with rhyme and then abandons it.

You have potential here, but it needs to be cleaned up, like the current detritus on a Sumatran beach. ;)

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