Very predictable repetition, need to improve english a lot if you want to continue writting in english. And please try to build up the plot a bit.
by
Anonymous01/05/05
you got the basics right, but........
Good start dude, but you need to flesh the story out a bit (pun intended). There is not one single line of dialog - its like a newspaper account rather than a real story. Too rushed.
by
Anonymous01/05/05
Welcome back after a long time
Please keep writing more frequently.
It was good for an Indian reader. dont bother about westeners' negative comments.
English
Predictable repetition
Very predictable repetition, need to improve english a lot if you want to continue writting in english. And please try to build up the plot a bit.
you got the basics right, but........
Good start dude, but you need to flesh the story out a bit (pun intended). There is not one single line of dialog - its like a newspaper account rather than a real story. Too rushed.
Welcome back after a long time
Please keep writing more frequently.
It was good for an Indian reader. dont bother about westeners' negative comments.
Good beginning - hoping it gets spicier!
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