All Comments on 'Adelaide's Latest Captive'

by lana_slamm

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  • 6 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago

Silly. No build-up. Not very explicit. Should be more "tease and denial"

WillieTurnerWillieTurnerabout 6 years ago
Yeah, It could use some work . . .

It's a good premise, and one worth developing further. But there just isn't a lot of 'meat' on the bones. I think it needs more character development, more back story, and, frankly, a bit more erotic detail.

ticklishsolesticklishsolesabout 6 years ago
I’m just a guy!

I would have given her the combination and anything else she wanted.

Ticklishsoles

EmirusEmirusalmost 6 years ago
Use it as a taster

Good idea but much too short. What you could do is take the character of Adelaide and incorporate her into a much longer, more intricate, story centred around interrogation by a sexy woman but with a much longer lead up in respect of reasons behind his entrapment; reeling him in with the promise of sex; longer interrogation scene etc etc. Adelaide is a character that could be used in other stories. I’m sure you have the imagination and the ability and look forward to reading more of your stories.

William_WoodWilliam_Woodover 5 years ago
Excellent for its length

Of course readers would like a longer version of this story, but I would like to comment on it for what it is. Only taking a few minutes to read, but it was good writing quality, with an excellent balance of detail for a story of this length. A reader likes to feel that their time spent reading was well spent, and I think in relative terms you excelled. That is why you get 5 stars from me.

Personally I would have written this to end with Adelaide confirming the correct code, and then wiping a smear of her cum under his nose before dressing and leaving him high and dry. But, it was your story, and to finish with a 'happy ending' in so few words I think is a job well done.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Hardly realized he was a captive.

Captives are made to do onerous things and are tied and whipped and beaten. They fear for their lives and for having bits lopped off them. Get with the program!

Anonymous
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