All Comments on 'the Ravaging'

by seranade

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  • 3 Comments
sacksackabout 19 years ago
Loved this!

I was swept up in the passion! "By nip and beating hearts breath" is the only line I was a little confused with. Someone could be nipping at your body, but hearts don't nip. If the "beating hearts breath" was intended to be a separate thought, you could have written it like this:

by your nips...and my beating hearts breaths

"Your" and "My" would clarify that thought even more, IF that is what you intended. Otherwise, a very successful little poem!

Du LacDu Lacabout 19 years ago
flooding warm passion

I swirled into this poem.. a tidal pool of desire. Very alluring and passion filled.. I feel the hunger the need the want to be consumed.. joining meshing living within the moment of bliss.. nice write thank you

du lac

Ninja NookieNinja Nookieabout 19 years ago
I am flushed now

well well do tell,

seranade me again for that was very moving, flawless. I sailed through this writing like a feather in the wind. Excellent piece. I so want to be ravaged now!

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