All Comments on 'A C&W Song in the Key of Life Pt. 03'

I’m sure he can just forget about everything that got them here

eyeroll

Okay, y'all have convinced me, I committed the numero uno Literotica sin by submitting a story in pieces much too short. I am gobsmacked that such transgression precludes so many of you from commenting on the writing or plot or characters or other aspects of the story. As a noob writer, I was counting on y'all's feedback to improve my writing (although I wouldn't turn down an occasional attaboy).

So please don't bother to tell me that you don't like the short segments. I know that, I'm thinking of having it tattooed on my forehead. If you comment, please make it about the presentation of the story, not the length of its parts, if only to tell me that I write like old people fuck.

Well, make it two requests: would someone please post a "1* fag cuck shit" comment? I feel left out.

And I really do have a rationale for wanting to control where Literotica pages break. I'll try to explain another time.

I think you've got a great start. Want to see where this one goes.

AB, you have decent break points, I think part of the problem is that your main character is a very likable guy, and we all wanna hear more from him... NOW! Haha! I for one like what I've read, and can see how this scenario could play out in real life (sure it probably has). Fyi gave it a 5.

Oh, and:

1* fag cuck shit.

There ya go! Happy Thursday,

RNebular.

Well we all saw that coming in chapter one, so here's some advice, don't let the reader know what will happen in future chapters at the VERY start of a story.

It is very difficult to comment on such short pieces. I will say that she sure changed her whole attitude in a very short time (less than one day). In this genre, we would usually have to track down Lissa (who would often turn out to have a heart of gold) to convince ex-wife.

Who was the man who went to the room to take pictures for her? How did she know to go there anyway? Did she never wonder how Rob knew ahead of time? (no)

I hope not because the writing is pretty engaging. Still, how did wifey get into the hotel room? Who was that masked man with her? So I asked my wife. She said catching me with my pants down around my ankles in a motel room with a naked woman not her would be a dealbreaker for sure, bad friend or not. How did this guy skate?

(Since I live in the tropics, far enough south of Tejas that when I served a stretch at TAMU B/CS I used to tell Texans they were Yankees when they tried to play the "ol South" card, its all goat ropin music to me.)

Short but sweet, I liked it a lot. I give it 5 stars.

I'm plumb slow but I didn't know something was amiss until chapter 2. The incident story smelled. The ending was excellent. He got a new puppy. That's worth more than a crazy ex wife. I'm happy.

Like author acknowledges this could of been 1 long or two medium chapters. Good stuff so far. The stream of consciousness writting is tough to get through. Maybe short chapters are hetter ☺. Good job and keep on keepin on

I, personally, am rooting for Shelley and Tom.

You get it. Don't do it again. I'm sure you have a rationale, you should forget having it.

There is nothing wrong with your plot or characterization. You are a talented writer and I wish you well. If you irritate the hell out of people with the one-page chapters, they are in a sour mood, going in. I'm not going to read any more until it's all posted, but I'm impressed with the first chapter that I read. Nice job. "Attaboy."

About the writing, mechanics are good, but not that good. I just read the first three paragraphs, noticed a missing capital letter, a missing comma, a sentence beginning with a coordinating conjunction (should rarely be done) and a comma splice. A good editor would clean that up for you. I have plenty to do, but if you send me an email, I'll recommend some good ones. I sincerely wish you the best. Randi.

Fag cuck shit. Wish there was negative voting number.

Cant think of other absurd comments people write.

Again, good job.

Not really, I love it. Short chapters and all.

i hope they get even with the sob within the next 2 chapters.

i'll vote on your story when i read the last chapter.

Shelly never wanted to hear the other side. One side when a coin has two sides and then you can have the truth. So she moves in with Rob. And eventually after all the damage is done .it seems she wants back with tom. There are to many issues here to allow her back with Rob.

I don't think so. She is one really fucked up piece of shit. Yeah, she probably should be fixed, too many mean and stupid people in Dallas already, no room for any more. Still those 1 page posts, not really helping your cause, that. I like your writing, just don't have enough at one sitting to get really into. I would guess you will have him take her back, but what about the next time she pulls some of that same shit, and she seems predisposed to do just that? If he doesn't hate him self for that he should. Lived and worked in Dallas and believe me there are tons of women there who are looking for a man that just has a job, he doesn't even need to be head of his own company. And he doesn't beat her and he has a job. You get my drift.

Good read ... our wronged hero wins in the end. Plus the ladies look so good in nurses scrubs😈😈

I really enjoyed this . . . would love to hear Rob suffered other repercussions. Nothing violent, just a complete loss of respect and status within the crowd he considered himself a part of.

But she was the foolish one. Nice to know she's trying at least.

If its conclusion then it moved too far too quickly.

What to do with Shelley? What happens to Rob? I like the quick pace and the characters. Look forward to the rest of the story. Thanks

Still riding with you but I'm not liking the raac tone.

He did screw up big by getting himself in that situation and it would appear Rob is an incredible, almost deranged, asshole to have hired everyone he did to set up that night.

I'm also not liking Shelley that much. Not talking at to Tom at all while getting chummy with Rob to the point that she starts fucking him for a year is a little too much for me.

Too much water under the bridge so to speak. The truck and the dog are great peace offerings but in no way do they bridge the gap.

Still liking your style here but I have a pet peeve when destructive choices are glossed over or ignored.

Tom made several destructive choices that fateful night. Shelley made a lot more in the last year and they are nuclear in scope when it comes to killing a relationship.

I really don't see a reconciliation happening without a great amount of time and somehow having equity restored.

So for the relatively small investment, for Rob, of a one day set up, followed by sitting back and waiting for a little while, he gets to fuck Shelley for a year.

Could not have happened without a little help from Tom and massive cooperation from Shelley. I don't like her. Plain and simple.

You have made Tom a sympathetic character despite his stupid choice. You have a much more arduous task to do something similar with Shelley.

I'm having trouble even hating Rob. He doesn't seem worth getting worked up about because Tom and Shelley are their own worst enemies with the lions share of pathetic being on Shelley's stupid shoulders and Tom is definitely not lacking in the stupid department so that is saying a lot.

Like your tale telling but not going to arrive with you at your destination.

I'll more than likely ride in a different direction next chapter, meaning, I'm past the point of suspension of disbelief.

I'll finish the story of course. I just won't be buying it.

Not on the wife. On the writer. Needed more struggle. Still a solid 4*

Good story, fun read.

I agree with "silentsound" comments

to the letter.

Too many mistakes.

My advise would be:

Say your goodbyes, learn from

your mistakes and treat

your next partners better.

But what will A_Bierce do?

I hope he'll let Tom keep the dog, lol.

Top ratings from me.

Excellent, loved everything about it.

For mentions of Mamma, trains and prison. Can't have an ultimate Country song without them.

Two more to go, so maybe you'll check those blocks too. Been fun so far.

I don't blame Shelley for divorcing or separating from Tom. What he did was definitely cause for it. I don't think she was wrong to move on after the divorce either.

What is extremely tainted about her is her refusal to want to communicate about the episode and during the divorce.

Also, her character and judgement are highly questionable for taking up with Rob to begin with but even worse, keeping at it for a year, even moving in with him.

Rob wasn't described as being a dependable or desirable mate and he was a titanic asshole. Since Shelley apparently lacked the brain cells and/or character to figure out what all the women before her did about her bed buddy, it would seem she doesn't possess desirable traits herself. I really can't see her being with him. Someone else for sure but not such an asshole. Unless Rob is a god in the sack but if that were true, why didn't any of his previous partners stick around? A rich sex god could probably keep several women interested even if he was an asshole. Women of questionable character for sure, but what does that say about Shelley?

Not liking her. Hope there is a thought on this although this is almost a lighthearted story with some very heavy and pain filled moments.

I actually teared up about Hank. That was very good writing. I would like at least as much enmeshment of my emotions in Tom and Shelley for which you certainly have your work cut out for you.

"cuck in a closet"

"...I should have trusted you enough to let you explain"... "She fucked with his worst enemy and you makes a stab at reconciliation? Thats absurd!! When he needed her mostly she chooses to go another way! So let it be! She is a selfish bitch and he is better without her!

2*, now if she had killed or fixed Rob maybe she might have fixed it

I screwed up the timeline.

If she waited two months to file and didn't let the asshole fuck her until after the divorce, she may have only been fucking him for about 4 months instead of a year.

She is still a huge idiot and I guaranty that Rob was not going without while he waited for her. A patient asshole apparently.

the writer cannot tell them what they can or cannot say. If readers are still pissed at your short chapters and bizarre fetish to control page breaks, they will let you know. You control the story and readers control their own comments.

The story is losing gas. If it were in one presentation, which would be three pages at most, readers would probably continue happily to the end. You risk losing readers now because the tension is slipping away and you have a few "chapters" (Read half pages broken to perfection) The wife wants to get back with hubby although she literally caught him with his pants down and a big titted naked woman about to swallow his cock? Why has she suddenly determined that she did not see him about to slip a naked woman his cock? He did it and she saw it. It is obvious that she moved in with a snake, but as far as she knows, the situation with her husband cheating has not changed. Why has she?

"how could he deliberately destroy our marriage" - HE didn't destroy your marriage. Yes, he planted the bomb, but YOU lit the fuse!

I'm torn. SHE doesn't deserve him back; but HE loved (loves?) her, and wants her back. I can see this is going to be reconciliation, maybe with some revenge mixed in, don't know why we need TWO more chapters for that. Yes, I know AB asked for no more bitching about that, couldn't resist!

Waiting for him to discuss with Rob.

It’s not like they’re coming out a month apart! Let him write! He’s he the author, hence the authority. We the readers are at his mercy, and that’s his fun. Read him, or not, but he’s gonna do what he wants, in spite of the whining. That means, he wins.

Besides, Grandma always said, whining is undignified and is bad for the complexion.

See I done told ya the lexus was was robs. I grew up in garland so this reminds me of my old stompin' grounds. I kinda like the short chapters. Can get one read on break then get back to what I was doin'. Just don't stop and we'll be good.

a mess not a life.

she's a cunt. she thinks she can just waltz back in with ...fucking trinkets!

her BROTHER made him a car, not her. she paid a few bucks to buy a NEW lab.

idk about you, but after losing my best friend/lab, i still am not sure if i wan a NEW one three years later. she's an angry, impulsive, manipulative cunt.

I don't care if you're going RAAC, hell, it's your story. I don't even personally care if she gets blown the fuck out or not. But this is a damn joke. the resolution to this long plot. no character development AT ALL. the man is hurt and broken, and this cunt shows up like she left...without a damn bit of empathy. she only knows she fucked up, she doesn't seem to care how much she's hurt him...it's all about making herself feel better. he's a footnote. ' i thought my machine was broken so i threw it out. but it turns out it wasn't, so i came back' he's an object to her.

i just wanted to say that i liked your story up until this moment. it was a long slow buildup, and then (if this is the ending) a huge let down. she basically waved her magic wand and everyone is happy again? i really hope this isn't the final chapter. if i were the man i'd at least yell at her till i felt better. that's just the "a duh" stuff. definitely make her pay for her own therapy and maybe couple's therapy, because her issues are deeper than them as a couple. she's a big ol' bundle of red-flags, please tell me he's not so stupid to not see that? if he wants revenge (cuz i didn't even touch that yet) he should at least ignore her for a few months (he's already let her explain. more than she even gave him!) so that ship has sailed, he's already the better person. maybe he can sleep around while. she waits. this dude is hooked on her....in a very unhealthy way. she'll always abuse and manipulate that love of his. she's toxic, and nothing is a better wake up call for her than, "you're not that young/hot/special, you can be easily replaced" she's too childish right now, i can see that, to repair their relationship. so him being childish to make her grow the hell up would be a good substitute for the years of therapy and personal growth she'd have to do on her own.

Am still here but to much waist of words

Rob should get his!

Can the relationship be restored?

Good story.

They had been dating and married, for years. So after the night she discovers him in the hotel room, they never speak to each other. And they never speak to each other's friends, explaining and blaming the other. And he never speaks to his in-laws, or goes to visit them, or tries to visit her at their house. And she never wonders why Rob, his Best Friend, suddenly loses all contact with her husband, but has all the time in the world for her. And while she's totally and completely shut off from her husband, she is forming a romantic relationship with Rob. And while she's forming this romantic relationship she never finds out that Rob doesn't really know her husband, never really socialized with her husband, can't tell her about any trips or events or any other evidence that Rob even liked her husband.

And the whole time Rob is being this selfish evil cruel assassin toward her husband and her marriage, she is getting no negative vibes from Rob, suspicious gaps in his stories, contradictions and alibis, omission of fact and lame excuses. In fact she is actually falling in love with Rob. Or is she just a slut who casually fucks whoever she's kind of dating at the time? Then decides the relationship is so special that she moves in with this monster, but she has no inkling about his true character and personality. And her parents and all her friends who by now have surly met the wonderful man who is to replace her "cheating asshole" husband, none of them see through Rob and warn her. None of them contact her ex-husband and alert him to what is going on with Rob, who has supposedly left town.

Gees, and its all because they failed to communicate. Just a few words of explanation, between the spouses, between friends, between the in-laws.

And if it hadn't of been for that flat tire, she would still be fucking Rob and be happily married to a psychopath and having his children. And until her ex-husband suggests she might want to doubt Rob's motives and intentions, she never had any reason to doubt on her own. To wonder why Rob suddenly and conveniently comes forward to alert her to what a cheating lying bastard her husband was, before and during her marriage to him, and somehow she never had a clue, never a suspicion, never a hint, never a doubt.

You don't want us to suspend disbelief, you want us to separate our brains from our eyes while still reading your story. I suspect the group of readers who enjoy this story can make that suspension only because they are already brainless.

But guess what, I think it might work. Because you know who's really the total complete brainless dumb shit in this story? Not the author, not the readers who actually find this drek intriguing and compelling, not the ex-wife who falls in love with the equivalent of an axe murderer. No, its the main character. A man who will never experience dizzy spells, never remember for forget any idea, who is completely immune to any type of disease or malady affecting the brain.

The only person dumber than your main character is me, for taking the time to care and comment on this preposterous contrivance. I hope someday you channel all your energy and ambition to write into an intelligent believable work of fiction. This story is just buffoonery. Congratulations upon making fools out of everyone in it and reading it. Its too bad. It could have really been a worthwhile work of art. It shares the same deficiency as the Scarecrow.

You are telling the story in first person, but when you describe the guy's brother-in-law, you drop briefly into third person. " A year or so after Shelley and Tom moved to Plano, his big sis suggested he move closer to them." The protagonist would not refer to himself by name. It would be 'a year after Shelley and I moved to Plano, Shelley suggested he move closer to us.' It was distracting.

. . . well? I should say that I appreciate each chapter coming quickly, but it's still ridiculous to space 3 short pages 3 days apart. Just not nice. Is there any more to it?

Once again, the "anonymous" assholes that sharpen their biting reviews all while hiding behind the veil of anonymity, such cowards. They don't even have the guts to use their literotica user names. I thought the story was fun. I don't think he should take her back, at least not before stringing her out for some time so she can really learn from her actions. There also needs to be some serious payback for the snake frat brother.

Why was she even there at the hotel? Who was the guy with her? How many teeth will Rob have left after Tom gets through with him?

How did she know he was even at the hotel and who was the man she was with? Maybe she was there for a little hanky-panky herself and happened to see him?

I agree with HDK - one or two installments would have been better than the one-pagers. However, the story is interesting.

and looked to see what room he was caught in. In chapter two he took Lessa up to the fourth floor and room number 414. In every hotel/motel I have ever stayed in the elevator has been at the end of the hall and room number ending in one was first, Shelly to walk in on him at the precise time to catch him would mean she was Shepard there.

I know the story has already been written but I hope you plan to fill us in on this bit of trivia. Even after a long shift in the E/R she should have still had her wits about her to realize that when she stopped of at a hotel after work and went up to the fourth floor it was a set up.

but silentsound is killing it with his spot on critique, as well as anon with his analysis of the suspension of disbelief required to relate to the story.

This story has kept me chuckling for a couple of days now, and I'm one of those strange ducks who likes a little RAAC in my tea as long as there's appropriate comeuppance for the douchebag predator.

You've made it pretty clear that Rob set this whole thing up with the hotel business, the tip-off to get Shelley there, the cheating player stories, etc. -- and even stupid Shelley understands it now.

So now give us "the rest of the story" so Paul Harvey can rest in peace. ;-)

I’m not sure that I like where I expect that it’s heading. So, she’s slept with the bastard numerous times, and even moved in with him for the past three weeks. I suspect that we’ll now be treated to violence toward him, and he probably deserves it. But that’s not real life, although it’s obviously satisfying to many of the readers on this site. I on the other hand like originality. I prefer ruination like in “The Bridge”. The former wife is ruined goods. She didn’t trust or love hubby enough to even hear him out. Also her taste is sorely lacking in that she couldn’t see through Rob, and apparently gave “all” of herself to him. I’ll continue to read, and hope that I’m surprised at how it plays out.

Nice job, Ambrose. It was a well-written, heart-warming, enjoyable read. 5*

Also seeing American car talk from my teen years

I like the story and the approach, but how did Rob arrange for her to be at the hotel at the critical time. The set up with the two ladies was easy to understand, but Rob getting the wife to the hotel at the critical moment will take a unique explanation.

...what really happened in Chihuahua on that December day more than hundred years ago?

you will finish so we can find out what they did to rob for their revenge

You must be from around Dallas because you got EVERYTHING right - even down to Trophy Club. BTW, the same family who established Trophy Club is getting their ass kicked at what was Valley View shopping center. If we ever can talk privately, I’ll tell you why I am thrilled about that!!

Great character development of the main character and really liked that karma came through at the end!

Looking forward to reading more stories from you.

I would SO love a wrap-up chapter resolving some of the mystery ... was it all a set up by Rob? What a douche-bag (with apologies to Douche-bags.)

Ordinarily, I'd prefer he take a "tough shit" attitude towards the ex-wife after her shacking up with Rob, but she DID snag him about to cheat, in spite of it all being a setup, so he really doesn't have that much room to be pissed off at her for too long.

You completely glossed over how she happened to get into the hotel room to catch him, and who the guy was taking pictures, though, unless you're going to explain that in the next chapter.

Thanks for the story.

Cog

It's not a bad read the story but there are some serious holes in the story which makes it hard to completely get into.

The key premise that the wife had no idea that the husband's so-called best friend was manipulating her up until she runs into her ex-husband with the tow truck is just really difficult to accept.

The Restraining order ploy so the husband can never talk to the wife is just so cliche it is pathetic.

At some point it's going to have to occur to the wife that she was set up and told to go to the hotel probably by Rob new or pay both of these women fo do what they were doing.

However, even if they are supposed dyed in the wool rednecks, it would take a lot for them to get back together without some serious discussion. I for one would be really hesitant to take her at face value. I mean really, divorce, restraining orders, fucking and moving in with he guy who stabbed you in the back, and suddenly she has an epiphany, showing up with a repaired truck and a puppy? That's the way to his heart? Could he really be that stupid? Could she?

I'm looking forward to seeing how you resolve their differences.

Getting there for sure. If he can fix it with Shelley, please, please, make damn sure he fixes Rob.

Can hear W&W strumming already.....

Now, kick the shit out of Rob- Check.

What happens to the so called friend who set them up . As the ex hubby I would be thinking how every time he slid his dick in her how he was in his mind abusing me. How every time she looked up from her knees to suck his cock how he thought how he pulled it off and was abusing me. He would need to move away quickly because I would be coming.

i do not understand what is going on, here. ch. 2 & 3 are repeats of ch.1.

can someone please explain it or did i miss something?

"Dipshit wife fixed..."

That's ex-wife, dipshit! Ain't nothing fixed. She may be an ER Nurse but when it comes to relationship she's dumber than shit. Who'd want to take a dipshit wife back who'd been fucking the guy that set this all up in the first. I don't see any where in her lame ass excuse where she said I'm sorry I fucked everything up...its all my fucking fault.

Did Shelley have no clue about the restraining order? You know getting those or defending them against a court motion is not a trivial matter if they are based on fluff.

She took it way too far to make this a simple reconciliation. Yes Rob lied and setup everything. But she did not trust her husband at all (although she did see apparently visually damning evidence) and would not let him speak. She acts as if he never talked to her to block the divorce but the TRO, crushed that communication, though how it was obtained without falsifying testimony and why the MC did not contest it, is beyond me. Ok she didn't have sex with Rob until after the divorce, but they became "best friends" before the filing, and she moved in with the person who assassinated their marriage. And lived together for like 3 weeks. Yes she was tricked. But she consorted with the snake and took him into her embrace in all ways: friendship, lover, and live in trophy girlfriend, and this is the asshole whol blee up her marriage to a man who did nothing wrong. That would be really hard to get past. Simple reconciliation is not appropriate. Against was tricked but it is like being tricked into murdering someone. Thr family of the victim will not want to be with you or see you walk free. Her the murder was of her marriage. Still thr ambush and setup was quote deliberate. But instead of asking hubby if that was a one off, she believes everything from Rob, who btw escapes ant retribution in this story arc. Ouch. 4 stars.