All Comments on 'You Just Been Angela'd Ch. 04'

by Annora

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AnonymousAnonymousabout 19 years ago
Language

You have some great ideas and your verbal expression which lies behind your writing is clearly very good. But, you have copped a lot of flak for grammar and punctuation.I wondered If English was not your first language because that would account for the apparent anomoly?

AnonymousAnonymousabout 19 years ago
I didn't count words....but

I ignored all your sentences missing at least one comma. I don't think they would fit here, given they were in the majority. The following sentences contain errors of different kinds. Quite a lot really, for a short story.

Such a shame, as your idea is pretty good.

"William speaking." William spoke all business.

"I build furniture, yes I'm the one." William said a little taken back.

I had seen pictures but first face to face was much more exciting for me.

I loved men with the zest that made them reaches out for answers.

I found his eyes enjoyed looking at my cleavage with lust filled eyes.

I was alerted he was coming and made arrangements to be his every desire from lingerie to his desires.

The hutch was beautiful sit in a place of honor

I adored the way it was center of the space.

How I pulled his hand into mine leaned into his lips so he could speak to me in my ears.

His heart began to pump out quicker than his head could keep up.

I mean I assumed the action you placed upon it might have needed reinforced.

William walked to it timidly sat down eyes closed and his mind took off her beautiful yellow cotton dressed. That hugged her hips and ass so tightly.

Eagerly he looked the room over seeing tangible beauty every corner.

a beautiful bluish green hue feel upon us.

The music stopped but we didn't we had went past the touches of no return.

We started walking towards the chair I could I knew what was coming now.

Great sex was more than anything than an orgasm tapped at the end of fumbling.

It was a fine tuned well orchestration of intimate touches and prior knowledge's of your partners' deepest desires.

To serve them them reaped benefits for one self.

we had made ourselves perfect fucking machine.

You are so in need of an editor.

Sarah

AnnoraAnnoraabout 19 years agoAuthor
I have turned two cheeks:)

I actually possibly have two more will I need them, too?

AnnoraAnnoraabout 19 years agoAuthor
Thank you Tendril

I always know your comments above all others. You seem to have a close relationship to the word Anomoly. It's the one word that I know you enjoy spouting.

Thank you for your criticizing, it made my day.

Anonymous
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