All Comments on 'Pretending Life is Sweet'

I think this deserves another chapter to see if Sarah and Rachel get together.

A good story showing how the pain of rejection, or the fear of it can have harmfull effects on a person Young or old .

Hopefully Sarah can go on to happier times.

Well written and enjoyable. I hope you continue writting

I thoroughy enjoyed reading this story and from the ending I know there's a chapter two coming up. Great job on this being your first submission. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Loved the story. I've been with you every step of the way. That's how good your description is.

Loving your story and your excellent writing. Please continue with this and other stories, if you would.

I thought this was a good first story, you are setting this story up pretty good, I hope there is a pt 2 I would love to read what happens on the train and then afterwards

I really liked the story, and really hope you are not going to leave it as-is, but continue a bit more, for the sake of completeness.

I really enjoyed this story, and I hope you continue it. I love your writing style, and can't wait to read more of your stories! Thank you for sharing this with us!

It's hard to believe that you are a novice. I haven't seen this good of a first story in ages. I would encourage you to keep writing.

Thank you all for the lovely feedback I have really enjoyed reading these comments. I've got a couple of other stories on the go but couldn't tell you when i'll manage to finish them!

That was a sweet story, and very well written too. I was a bit upset ar the abrupt ending but I suppose you're setting it up for a second part, so I'll keep my eye out for that.

Are you sure that this is your first effort at story writing? I ask because it is so well written that if you'd said nothing in your preamble I would have assumed a fair level of experience. I'm not sure whether such places as Sarah's home village still exist in the UK: that setting sounded more like the 19th century than the 21st. In fact, it smacked more of 20th century US Bible Belt than rural England. Still, you wrote about it plausibly enough. You could now leave the story where it is and leave the rest to your readers' imaginations or you could go for a second part. Either way would work. A second part would probably please your audience more. However you choose to go about it, you've earned five stars from me.

I agree with all the other comments I've read. You show a professional touch and are very sensitive. I can't wait to read more.

Very well written. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Nice branching story in the saga about these two. Others here are right; the writing is above par; it practically shines in the next story. Loved reading these

A wonderful story! Thank you!

This story was such a breath of fresh air I’m pretty sure I’m going to run through your collective pieces of writing so please don’t stop

Just... wow. Such assured writing, very confident. I've just read your Geek Pride "Falling" piece, and now this your first, and your 'outsider finding herself' theme is solidly in both pieces.

You've established your style early too - like me, you started writing first person pov which of course establishes deep levels of intimacy. I'd like to see you try close third person narration, so you can dig just as deeply into your other characters as you do yourself/your protagonist (I have to think this is very autobiographical) - that would be very rich writing indeed.

Very, very good.

I can't wait to read a few of your later works, because your first effort is amazing. I got sucked right in and that's always a good sign. Looking forward to reading the rest.

Great narration. Reminds me of the older literature written before 1920. That literature was very descriptive, made you feel what is was like to be there. You have accomplished that very well.

Newer literature pushes on the pedals of anything that compels our interest. Such dynamics very, but it's like when you catch up with your friends, one of which may have gone on a trip. At first it's wonderful to hear what it's like to be where they went, the food, weather, and people. But eventually they may get to specific occurrences whereby they met someone, who was charming or mean; they found themselves in a predicament--we love to hear about those, where you must make a choice that has conflicting consequences. These can be as simple as a romance, or something criminal or dangerous. These are the events that compel us to ask questions, take notice of, in this example, of our friend's vacation they are sharing with us.

Thus, I would have added more detail with what went on that made your main character really dislike her situation. How she got along with her forced arrangement husband. It sounds like he may have raped her. At the least, an argument among the couple would have been compelling. Or the children.

Alas, this first story appears to be backstory, a setup for something more. As if you were designing a novel. If that is your plan, then good, keep going. The most popular stories on this website ironically have the best drama and humor, not necessarily the sex. The sex seems better because of the conflict. In the case of romance, something that both parties recognize as an attraction but their life's situation says they shouldn't have sex. Such is the lore of the Romance genre, the genre that outsells ALL of the other genres combined. I believe that is because most people live boring, repetitive lives and long for a connection with someone...hell anyone, being romantic or sensual.

Good work!

UnderworldWriter

And loved it just as much as I did the first time. Thank you for sharing this with us!

I like it very much when I need not to abandon characters, when they reoccur as side characters, when stories mutually draw background pictures each for other.

I personally read some lesbians stories in spite of being a straight male, as the only 2 lesbians I personally know are by chance 2 women I have fallen in love in past, and one of them remained my good friend.

The stories like yours give me a kind of insight into the parallel world I would not be aware of much otherwise.

As a general reader, and not native reader, I appreciate a lot a well thought through writing the stories and rich language.

The pictures of characters are rich and it is hard not to like them, each for their own colour.

I am glad I checked the reading order in your bio although I only did that after reading another story out of order. Love your work. Please write more!

Humans and religious fanatics ....... Its fine with me then adults decide to attent to, but kids should stay out ..... A mild sensual experience with a religion might be ok but the rest is breaking a soul ...... Its intense to read your chapter and stay calm, as this is happen since millennias and still is ....... To come to such extreme conclusion ending your being with 17 ....... So hopefully sarah will become a beloved one and happy with a joyful life

Humans and religious fanatics ....... Its fine with me then adults decide to attent to, but kids should stay out ..... A mild sensual experience with a religion might be ok but the rest is breaking a soul ...... Its intense to read your chapter and stay calm, as this is happen since millennias and still is ....... To come to such extreme conclusion ending your being with 17 ....... So hopefully sarah will become a beloved one and happy with a joyful life

Humans and religious fanatics ....... Its fine with me then adults decide to attent to, but kids should stay out ..... A mild sensual experience with a religion might be ok but the rest is breaking a soul ...... Its intense to read your chapter and stay calm, as this is happen since millennias and still is ....... To come to such extreme conclusion ending your being with 17 ....... So hopefully sarah will become a beloved one and happy with a joyful life

I am so pleased to be starting this journey. You have limbed a memorable and endearing character in Sarah opening with a poignant tale. The horror that her upbringing provokes gets counterbalanced with the delight of her breakout. Fully 5 stars!

its at lest the third or fourth time iv read this i hope your well and happy i hope one day you write more 5 out of 5 a fan shayne

You write a wonderful story and having read some of your others you have lovely way of weaving them together to create a real world where the characters are so whole, not necessarily perfect but real.

Thank you again for sharing!

Definitely one of my favorite writers on this site!

Beautiful, well written. Now I know what happened to Sarah, I read your second story first. 5 again.

Beautiful.

I read Hope a Little Longer first and I was halfway through this story when I realized this was Sarah's perspective. I wished it continued until their love story. I would've liked to read Sarah's perspective as I love their story so much.

Someone told me about “Hope a Little Longer”, a few months ago, maybe a year. So I went back to your site and noticed the stories are interconnected. Cool, so now I am starting at the beginning!

This answered some questions I had about Sarah from the second story. Now things are following into place. This alone is very good and I am looking forward to reading the whole series.