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English
Something about this one...
the gently flowing language nicely intimated that almost passive state between sleep and being awake. I loved the breath tiptoeing on your arm, wonderful, sensual image. Nice work on this gentle, bittersweet poem.
jim : )
*
Best line:
Eyes awake as you escape
Worst line: (compounded by opening)
A hot sultry night
agree with Jim, although, I admit I overlooked, because of lack of strengh of opening and closing lines, it may have been better opening with the second line instead, that seems to ask a question, instead of here we go again, another hot sultry night.
"sultry" also destroys the dream like quality that rest of the poem conveys.
~~
Love that 'breath tiptoes' line and this whole transitional stage between sleep and wakefullness.
~~
This poem was mentioned in the Archival Review thread, in a picking through Lit's archive of over 37,500 poems.
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