All Comments on 'My Darkest Desires Ch. 01'

Very well written drawing the reader in from the beginning. Very sensual without overdoing the details and leaving us wanting more just like the girl in tbe story. Just a little too short for me though.

I really liked this as a first chapter and hope there will be more chapters .The author has planted a few openings here for these further chapters .Especially so with the introduction of the three rules .Will these be the only rules or are these the initial three of more,gradually introduced rules?

Additionally,the author has a really tantalizing opening with the unfinished part of the basement, in the well appointed ,but very isolated cabin ,described in the story .Tantalizing ,as it makes me as a reader ,to contemplate ,just what is behind the door to the unfinished part of the basement .

This story has good potential but the abrupt change from using “he/him” to “you/yours” reduces the value and power of the piece. A narrative is much easier to read when in third person. James is already named and described. He can not be changed to a “you”. This doesn’t capture the audience and engulf them in the story but rather adds a level of disconnect preventing escapism.